yvonne200232 blog on Absolute Radio

happy monday morn

yvonne200232 — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 09:30:00 +0000

woman in coma

yvonne200232 — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 12:21:00 +0000

A young woman in a coma is moved to a new room in the hospital.

After a few days her nurse notices that every time she sponge bathes the patient around her crotch, the nearby monitor indicates that the patient's vital signs increase significantly.

The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of her coma. She calls the woman's husband, tells him she thinks oral sex can revive his wife, and he agrees.

When he arrives at the hospital, the nurse ushers him in to the room, closes the curtain around the bed, and closes the door.

Five minutes later, the husband comes running out of the room screaming that all of his wife's vital signs have plummeted to zero and that she needs a doctor immediately.

The nurse, upset that her idea not only didn't work, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened. The husband replied. "I'm not sure, but I think she choked".

husband deprived of sex

yvonne200232 — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 12:03:00 +0000

A man rings his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor tells the man to send his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's and the doctor asks her "What's wrong, why don't you want to have sex with your husband?"

The wife replies "Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what' and have sex on the back seat of the cab."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what' and have sex in the boss' office."

"I also take a cab home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what' and have sex on the back seat again."

"So you see doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."

"Yes, I see." replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

Happy thursday xxxx

yvonne200232 — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 11:56:00 +0000

HAPPY SAT xxxxxx

yvonne200232 — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 09:42:00 +0000

1 more joke xxx

yvonne200232 — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 18:21:00 +0000

A young teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it.

"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?

gd evenin AR vip`s xxxxx

yvonne200232 — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:32:00 +0000

" border="0" width="28" height="30">

just a joke x

yvonne200232 — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 12:36:00 +0000

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20, for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes, he explained that his company had gone through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of 55, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed thirty years of deposits and interest totaling nearly $ 1 million. Then, she showed him stock certificates issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million and informed him that they were the largest stockholders in the bank. She explained that for 30 years, she had charged him for sex and these holdings were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, the husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out: "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, "I would have given you all my business."

Top 10 Valentine's Day Cards You Won't Find At Hallmark...

yvonne200232 — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 12:11:00 +0000

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk but the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, in hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm fulfilled SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!

4. Through all the things that came to pass, our love has grown... but so has your ass.

3. You're a honey... and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty."

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny so, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister, you should check out the one that I gave to your sister

in the desert

yvonne200232 — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 12:05:00 +0000

There's a guy walking across a desert when he comes upon an Indian lying naked on his back with a hard-on. The man asks him what he is doing?

He replies "Telling the time"

The man asks him what time it is and he replies "1:45".

The man looks at his watch and the Indian was right, so he moves on. He comes across another Indian in the same position and asks him what he is doing, he replies "telling the time".

He asks him what time it is, and he replies "3:27", he looks at his watch and he is correct, so he moves on.

The man comes across a third Indian on his back jerking off. He stops and asks him what he is doing, and the Indian replies "Winding my watch".

at the strip bar

yvonne200232 — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 11:53:00 +0000

A Father, his Son and his own father all go to a strip bar. They sit down and a lady comes over and starts shaking her ass in their faces. "I know exactly what to do" said the younger father and removed a £20 note licked it and stuck it to one of her arse cheeks.

"Me too" said the son and licked a £20 and stuck it to the other cheek of her arse "Now you granddad"

So granddad said "I'm not stupid I know exactly what to do". So he reached in his wallet pulled out his visa card swiped her arse and took the two twenties

happy thurs xxxxxxxxxxx

yvonne200232 — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 09:35:00 +0000

the zipper

yvonne200232 — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 13:59:00 +0000

This woman is about to board a bus, but when she steps up, she realizes that her skirt is too tight, and she can't lift her leg to board. So, she reaches around behind her and lowers her zipper a bit and tries again.

Skirt's still too tight, so she reaches behind her and lowers her zipper some more, and tries again. She still can't get on, so she reaches back and lowers the zipper a bit more. She tries to step up, and feels two hands on her butt push her up onto the bus. She spins around and says, "Sir, I don't know you well enough for you to do that!"

He says, "Lady, I sure don't know you well enough for you to lower my zipper three times."

the bus stop

yvonne200232 — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 13:53:00 +0000

While waiting at a bus stop for a bus, a woman stepped onto a weight machine that told your fortune and weight for a quarter.

She put a quarter in, and out came a card that read: "Your age is 32, You weigh 135 lbs, and you play the fiddle."

She found the fortune amusing, since she didn't play the fiddle, but it did have her age correct. About that time, an old gentleman walked up carrying a fiddle. She asked him if she could see his fiddle. He agreed and to their amazement, she began playing the fiddle with great natural skill.

She wondered if the fortune machine had actually known something about her that she didn't. She thought about it, and decided to try the weight machine again. She put another quarter in the machine, and out comes the card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have gastritis."

She found this one to be absurd, as she was in perfect health. So she went back to the bus-stop to wait for her bus.

While sitting there, she develops abdominal pains that continue to get worse until she lets rip a humongous batch of anal air. She wondered about the fortune, and again was curious if the machine was capable of knowing stuff about her that she didn't know.

She goes back and puts another quarter in the machine. Out comes a card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you are about to have sex."

She laughed out loud, as she had been trying to find a decent guy to screw around with for months, with no luck. She is sitting there waiting for the bus, when this attractive young man sits down and immediately their eyes locked, and they both knew that they were right for each other. They quickly ducked down an alley and began to go at it like rutting pigs.

The woman was so simply amazed at the ability of the machine, that she had to try it one more time. She stood on the machine, put her last quarter in, and out came a card that read: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs. You've fiddled, you've farted, you've screwed around, and now you've missed your bus."

The Tiger

yvonne200232 — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 12:20:00 +0000

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."