wtjpugsley blog on Absolute Radio

Everything happens for a reason

wtjpugsley — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:25:00 +0000

Everything happens for a reason....

T he brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned

to their first ministry, to reopen a church

in suburban Brooklyn , arrived in early October

excited about their opportunities When they saw

their church, it was very run down and needed

much work. They set a goal to have everything

done in time to have their first service

on Christmas Eve.

T hey worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls,

painting, etc, and on December 18

were ahead of schedule and just about finished.

O n December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving

rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.

O n the 21st, the pastor went over to the church.

His heart sank when he saw that the roof had

leaked, causing a large area of plaster about

20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the

sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about

head high.

T he pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor,

and not knowing what else to do but postpone

the Christmas Eve service, headed home.

On the way he noticed that a local business was

having a flea market type sale for charity so he

stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful,

handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth

with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross

embroidered right in the center. It was just

the right size to cover up the hole in the front

wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.

B y this time it had started to snow. An older

woman running from the opposite direction was

trying to catch the bus.. She missed it. The pastor

invited her to wait in the warm church for

the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor

while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put

up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor

could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and

it covered up the entire problem area.

T hen he noticed the woman walking down the center

aisle. Her face was like a sheet.. "Pastor,"

she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?"

The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check

the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into

it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had

made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria

T he woman could hardly believe it as the pastor

told how he had just gotten the Tablecloth. The

woman explained that before the war she and

her husband were well-to-do people in Austria .

When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave.

Her husband was going to follow her the next week.

He was captured, sent to prison and never saw her

husband or her home again.

T he pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth;

but she made the pastor keep it for the church.

The pastor insisted on driving her home, that

was the least he could do.. She lived on the other

side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn

for the day for a housecleaning job.

W hat a wonderful service they had on Christmas

Eve. The church was almost full. The music and theIf you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you f@rted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's org@sm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sÂ£x by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes... Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sÂ£x for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

I hope you've smiled at least once.

(and God love that pig!)

D.I.Y. for life

wtjpugsley — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 21:53:00 +0100

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then, you will be afraid to cough. 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. Remember: 1. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 2. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom. 3. If you woke up breathing, congratulations; you get another chance.

4. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bed pan.

Where to find a Brass Monkey

wtjpugsley — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 20:52:00 +0100

A BIT OF EDUCATION ABOUT BALLS TO SPREAD ABOUT

Well, waddya know! It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.

Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey.. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass; hence, Brass Monkeys.

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

And all this time, you might have thought this just a vulgar expression.

Speed Trap.

wtjpugsley — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:07:00 +0100

Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road. One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea. Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office. Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style: "Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed. Good Day..."

SING IT TO THE TUNE OF YESTERDAY

wtjpugsley — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 21:04:00 +0100

This is for those of use that have had nasty E-mail

SUNG TO THE TUNE OF YESTERDAY (sorry Paul!!)

Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my paper has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone
hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.

Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

David Bowie 1947 -1969

wtjpugsley — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 14:54:00 +0100

After many hour of looking up reading and going thought my collection. I have put together something I hope any fan will find of interest.

8 January 1947 David Robert Jones was born just after midnight at 40 Stansfield Road, Brixton, London SW9.

His farther Haywood Jones worked for Dr.Barnardo’s, his mother Margaret worked part time as a cinema usherette.

David had a half brother Terry from his mother’s previous marriage.

Terry and David where very close even though there was an eight year age gap.

Terry played a very important influence on the young David by introducing him to writers like Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg. Along with jazz musicians like King Curtis and Eric Dolphin.

1955-57

David attended boarding school near Doncaster.

The first record he ever owned was Fats Domino’s “Blueberry Hill” (which is one of the first tracks featured in his first major film “The Man Who Fell to Earth”

However the first artist to make any particular impression on him was Little Ritchard. This was at age nine or ten.

September 1958

David started secondary school at Bromley Technical High School, Oakley Road, Keston. An all boys school in peaceful surroundings. However it didn’t take him long before he became quite rebellious. He started to take more interest in R & B groups out of school instead of school work itself. As a result arguments between him and his mother would have to have intervention from Mr Jones (his father).

1957

David is given a saxophone for Christmas by his mother. She did this because of his enthusiasm for a white plastic one he had been practising on for months beforehand on. After he was given a Little Ritchard single that he had learned by heart and covered with his early groups.

1960

David finds the phone number for Ronnie Ross a jazz saxophonist and arranged lessons. There are said to be tapes made of some of these sessions, if so they would be the earliest known recording of David.

1962 Spring Term

David had a fight with his best friend George Underwood. David was taken the Farorough hospital where both eyes where operated on. As a result the pupil of his left eye became permanently dilated. This is called ANISCORIA in medical terminology. The fight was over a girl that David had been making a play for (the girlfriend of George). There relationship was however repaired. David is said to have thanked George about the eye as this has been something of use in his career.

1962 Summer

David and his group play at the school’s PTA fate. There performance of Shadow’s numbers over ran and caused so much commotion had to be stopped but having the power cut off.

December 1963

The Kon-Rads where David’s first official group who never produced there own material only cover versions.

12 November 1964

David appeared on BBC 1 with some long haired friends and headed a plea for “The Prevention of Cruelty to Long haired men”.

At only seventeen this is his earliest know television interview. Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin and David Sutch (later to become Screaming Lord Sutch) were also luminaries of “The Prevention of Cruelty to Long Haired men”.

January 1966

After a cable from Ken Pitt who was on a trip to the USA regarding a new group called The Monkeys that had been formed for television whose lead singer was called Davy Jones. David announced that he was now David Bowie. Although David started using the name in January 1966 he has never changed it by deed poll. Thus he is still David Jones. As is all legal documents are sinned by him under that name.

Late 1968

A German television producer came to Ken Pitt showing interest in David. He has an idea to produce a showcase of David’s talents. Howe Pitt had to put up £7000 of his own money for the film when the German backers pulled out. This was comprised of songs from David’s first album and a new song. The result was the promo video of a new song “Space Oddity”.

1969

David’s farther died in August of this year. His sadness was buffered by his first successful single, “Space Oddity” along with success in the Malt and Italian Song Festivals that same month. David was very upset by the death of his farther as they had been very close. His farther had managed David’s finances until he was 21.

David registered his father’s death and took care of all the funeral arrangements.

PIZZA 2010

wtjpugsley — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 19:10:00 +0000

Wanna know how to order a pizza in 2010? Click the link and see... ... turn up the volume. This is funny, but the scary part about it is that it might not be far away. Listen closely and watch the screen and pointer carefully. This seems so true it's really scary!! http://www.aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf

A Funny

wtjpugsley — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 19:19:00 +0000

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?

In God we Trust......or do we

wtjpugsley — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:50:00 +0000

The Atheist

An atheist was walking through the woods "What majestic trees"! "What powerful rivers"! "What beautiful animals"! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!" Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"? The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"? "Very Well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

The cost of filling up

wtjpugsley — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 19:48:00 +0000

We are hitting 106.9 p a litre in some areas now, soon

we will be faced with paying £1.10 a ltr. Philip Hollsworth offered this good idea:

This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the 'don't buy petrol on a certain day campaign that was going around last April or May!

The oil companies just laughed at that because they

knew we wouldn't continue to hurt ourselves by

refusing to buy petrol. It was more of an
inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT,whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work.

            Please read it and join in!

                        Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think
                        that the cost of a litre is CHEAP, we need to take aggressive action to
                        teach them that BUYERS control the market place not sellers. With the price
                        of petrol going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only
                        way we are going to see the price of petrol come down is if we hit someone
                        in the pocket by not purchasing their petrol! And we can do that WITHOUT
                        hurting ourselves. Here's the idea:

                        For the rest of this year DON'T purchase ANY petrol from the two biggest oil
                        companies (which now are one), ESSO and BP.

                        If they are not selling any petrol, they will be inclined to reduce their
                        prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow
                        suit. But to have an impact we need to reach literally millions of Esso and
                        BP petrol buyers. It's really simple to do!!

                        Now, don't wimp out on me at this point... keep reading and I'll explain how
                        simple it is to reach millions of people!!

                        I am sending this note to a lot of people. If each of you send it to
                        at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and those 300 send it to at
                        least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) ... and so on, by the time the
                        message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached
                        over THREE MILLION consumers! If those three million get excited and
                        pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have
                        been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it... ..

                        THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

                        Again, all You have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all.(and
                        not buy at ESSO/BP) How long would all that take? If each of us
                        sends this out to ten more people within one day of receipt,
                        all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the
                        next 8days!!! Acting together we can make a difference If this makes
                        sense to you, please pass this message on.

                        PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE 69p a LITRE
                        RANGE

                        It's easy to make this happen. Just forward this, and buy your
          &nbs

Alzheimer,s Test

wtjpugsley — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:49:00 +0000

Test: Take it before you forget.

Alzheimer's Test:

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now, go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.

Alzheimer,s Test

wtjpugsley — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:05:00 +0000

Test: Take it before you forget.

Alzheimer's Test:

Have the op or die ....BUT

wtjpugsley — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 19:04:00 +0000

You go to the doctor as you are not well.

He sends you to the hospitel.

They do some tests and tell you that you have to

have an op or you will die.

_______________________

Now there is one drawback of the op.

You will lose one of your 5 sences...

Sight, Taste, touch, smell or hearing.

Best of all you get to choose.

So I ask you what one can you do without.