terry4u blog on Absolute Radio

The Difference between Men and Women

terry4u — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 07:36:25 +0100

Morning all, hope your have a great day and hope this make you laugh.

WOMAN'S DIARY:

Thursday 20th Sept 2005
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying.

I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he
hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was something the
matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.

put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just
gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me and
that he had found someone else.

I cried myself to sleep.

MAN'S DIARY:

Thursday, 20th September 2005
Spurs lost to Everton. Gutted. Got a shag though.

I'm Back, at last

terry4u — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 12:34:08 +0100

Hi everybody,

I can't believe that it's been nearly a month since i was last on VIP. I thought this was the easiest way to say hi to you all and see how your all getting on.

Whatever your doing today i hope you have fun.

A - Z Game

terry4u — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 16:36:35 +0100

Artist and song

you can start with the artist begining with the first letter and the song beginning with the next letter, or you can reverse it so the song is first and the next letter is the artist name.

Example

Areosmith - Blindman,

or you can do

Army people - (kate) Bush

I hope this is clear.

I will start with

Ashes to Ashes - (David) Bowie

Some more Jokes

terry4u — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 11:31:20 +0100

A man is in hospital with 60% burns.

Doc says to the nurse " give him 2 Viagra"

Nurse asks " do you think that'll help"

Doctor Replies " No, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A man had to show his grey chest hair to prove he could get his pension.

His wife said " you should have shown them your willy. We could have got disability as well"

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Bill worked in a pickle factory. he had been employed there for a number of years. He come home one day to confess to his wife he had a terrible compulsion.

He had a urge to stick his willy into a pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he went to a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.

A few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see that something was seriously wrong.

" What's wrong Bill" She asked "Do you remember that i had a urge to put my willy in the pickle slicer?"

" Oh Bill, you didn't"

"Yes, i did"

"My God Bill, what happened"

" I got fired"

" No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

" Oh... She got sacked too"

Ultimate Concert.

terry4u — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 14:22:39 +0100

If you won a competition to see your favourite band anywhere in the world. Who would you see and where. This could be in the future or the past.

I would have loved to seen The who at Leeds, Back in the seventy's.

Why, Because Keith Moon was still alive and i would loved seeing the original line up.

Some old naughty Jokes

terry4u — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 13:03:34 +0100

A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman.

he notices she is reading a maunal about sexual statistics. he asks her about it and she replies " this is a very interesting book. It says American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the best in bed" " By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours"

"Tonto Papadopoulos, Nice to meet you"

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A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow brushies her breast.

They are both startled. The man turns to her and says

" Ma'am , if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me"

She replies " If your willy is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221"

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On night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband stars rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says " I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and won't to stay fresh"

The husband rejected, turn over.

A few minutes later, He rolls back over and taps his wife again.

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope they don't offend anybody

Morning Everybody

terry4u — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:34:39 +0100

Morning everybody.

Happy St George's Day.

I hope you have a great day.

Happy Monday :o)

Have a Great weekend

terry4u — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 16:47:41 +0100

Happy Friday :o)

I hope you all have a fun weekend and the weather is kind to you.

I will catch up with you all next week.

Another joke before i go home.

terry4u — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 16:20:14 +0100

A lady walks into a high class jewellery shop.

She browses around, spot a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nevously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that the sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, " good day, Madam. How may we help you today"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', She asks, " Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers " Madam, if you blow off just lookin at it, you're going to crap yourself when i tell you the price"

Joke

terry4u — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:45:38 +0100

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack.

"Grumpy, my son" Says the Pope " what can i do for you"

Grumpy asks, " excuse me your Excellency, but are ther any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The Pope, wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment, "No Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome"

in the background, a few of the dwarfs started giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

grumpy turns back, "Your Worship, are ther any dwarfs in all of Europe?"

The Pope Puzzlednow, again thinks for a moment and the answers " No Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in europe."

This time, all the dwarfs burst out laughing. Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says," Mr Pope are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"

The Pope, really confused by the question says " I'm sorry, my son, There are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world"

The other dwarfts collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down they cheeks, as they begin chanting.......

"Grumpy shagged a penguin! Grumpy shagged a penguin"

Joke's

terry4u — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 09:42:45 +0100

For the Men

One day, a man came home and was greeted by

his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

" Tie me up," She purred
" and you can do anything you want"

so he tied him up and went golfing.

For the Women

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Bring Back the TOP TEN @ 10

terry4u — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 16:10:14 +0000

Hi Guys,

I fill that i should start a campaign to bring back the top 10 at 10.

I think Russ is great, along with his show, but it is missing something since the top 10 at 10 has gone.

Me and my colleagues loved guessing the years. It use to fill 3/4 of an hour.

Lets try and convince Russ and Virgin to bring it back.