stevipops blog on Absolute Radio

Rabbi & the Taxman

stevipops — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 12:42:00 +0100

At the end of the year, the Tax office sent an inspector to the local Synagogue to audit their books; whilst he was there, he turned to the Rabbi and said "I notice you buy a lot of candles, what do you do with all the drippings?" "Good question"noted the Rabbi"We save them up and send them back to the candlemakers,every now and then they they send a free box of candles" "Oh" replied the auditor,somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.But on he went in his usual obnoxious manner"What about all those biscuit purchases?What do you do with all the crumbs?" "Ah, yes,"replied the Rabbi, realising the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question."We collect together all the crumbs, send them back to the biscuit manufacturers,every now and then they send us a free box of Holy Wafers" "I see" said the auditor,thinking hard how he could fluster the Know-it-all Rabbi "WellRabbi" he went on,"what do you do with allthe leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" "Here too we do not waste"answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office,and once a year they send us a COMPLETE dick."

Proud dad

stevipops — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 18:52:00 +0100

A proud father gave his son £100 and sent him to the local brothel. On the way the boy passed by his grannie's house and she called him in.He explained where he was going and she insisted that he save the money and make love to her.The boy returned home with a big smile"how was it son?" dad asked."Great, and i saved the £100"said the boy."How's that?" his dad asked."I did it with Grandma!"the boy explained.His dad went berserk and screamed "you f**ked my mum?" "So what-you f**k mine!"

What does a Chav girl use for protection? The bus shelter.How do you know she's had an orgasam?She drops her chips!

Wedding Night

stevipops — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 18:36:00 +0100

An italian couple are spending their wdding night at the home of the bride's parents.Rosa sits on the bed as her husband undresses.He takes off his shirt and she sees the thick hair covering his chest.Upset she runs to her mother "mama,'es a gotta 'air alla' over 'ees ches',jussa lika namiminal!" "Calm down,"her mum says,"an' go uppa stairs,eetsa yoora duty" Up she goes,just in time to see her husband remove his trousers.Again the bride bolts from the room and runs to mum,"mama,'eesa gotta 'air over 'ees legs lika monkey" "silly a girl, go back uppastairs an'a maka' love to your a 'usban' lika gooda Italiano wife"Once again she returns to the bedroom to see her husband remove his shoes, he only has half a foot on his left leg. She goes downstairs and gasps"Mama, eesa gotta foot anna half" Her mum pushes her aside "silly a girl, youa stay anna I'll a go uppastairs"

'70's sounds.

stevipops — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 18:19:00 +0100

Who remembers Fox? (Sssingle Bed, Imagine Me Imagine you).What happend to the singer Noosha Fox? Was she Alison Goldfrapp's mum!!?,Sure looks an' sounds like it!

Does anyone know where you can get Jam for World in Action, it's by Jon Weston and made for guess what-World in action?

A story about Gordon

stevipops — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 16:28:00 +0100

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when he drove up he said "Sorry son,but I have some bad news...the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunateley he's dead." Gordon replied,"well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said "I can't do that, I've spent it already".Gordon said,"o.k. then,well just unload the donkey anyway."The farmer asked "what are you going to do with him?" Gordon answered "raffle him off" To which the farmer exclaimed "sureley you can't raffle off a dead donkey!" But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said"Of course I can, you watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead" A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked "What happened to the dead donkey?" Gordon said "I raffled him off sold 500 tickets at £2 a piece, and made a huge fat profit!" Totally amazed, the famer asked "didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?" To which Gordon replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the winner when he came to claim his prize.So i gave his £2 raffle ticket back plus an extra £200, which as you know is double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy!" Gordon grew up and eventually became Chancellor, and no many times he lied, or how much money he stole, as long as he gave back some of their money, most of them still thought he was a great guy. The moral of this tale is, if you think Gordon is about to play fair and do something for the ordinary folk think again, because you might be better off flogging a dead donkey!!

cable sound

stevipops — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 19:09:00 +0000

For you who listen to Virgin Classic rock channel 952 on the ol'Telewest cable if you have your box connected up to a half decent stereo, does anyone notice any sound difference compared to say BBC Radio 1? or am I the only one to suffer a dumbed down rock station? if any of you folk do can you call phone no. 151 if you have a Virgin Media (Telewest)phone line it's free! you'll be doing me a massive favour 'cos I don't think they belive me!

Vision on

stevipops — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 17:40:00 +0000

For all you old gits, Vision On a programme for kids had a track in it called left bank 2 played during the gallery bit, does anyone know what instrument was being played?