stevedickinson blog on Absolute Radio

The Middle Wife

stevedickinson — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 12:57:00 +0000

Good Afternoon all

This made me laugh. Enjoy

The 'Middle Wife' by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher...

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm go ing to tell you about his birthday..'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.) 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water lowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

First love

stevedickinson — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:31:00 +0000

I hope you all have a great weekend. This made me chuckle

Steve

------------------------------------------------------

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

Good Morning

stevedickinson — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 07:57:00 +0000

Good Morning All

I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Don't go working to hard, I'm going to try my best not to.

Steve

Good Morning All

stevedickinson — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 06:48:00 +0000

Good morning

Hope everyone is well. I'm off home to bed after a nightshift.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. See you all again soon

Steve

Heath Ledger Dead.. more info from Sky

stevedickinson — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 23:19:00 +0000

Actor Heath Ledger found dead..
Hollywood Actor Found Dead
Updated:22:04, Tuesday January 22, 2008

Hollywood actor Heath Ledger has been found dead in his New York apartment from a possible drugs overdose, according to police.
A police spokesman said Ledger had an appointment for a massage at the apartment that is believed to be his home.

The housekeeper went to tell Ledger the masseuse had arrived and found him dead.

The 28-year-old Australian-born actor received an Oscar nomination for the hit film Brokeback Mountain.

Ledger met his wife, actress Michelle Williams on the set in 2005.

They lived in Brooklyn and had a daughter, Matilda, but split up last year.

Ledger had starring roles in A Knight's Tale and The Patriot.

He was to appear as the Joker this year in The Dark Knight, a sequel to 2005's Batman Begins.

Sky's entertainment correspondent Matt Smith said: "He was not someone who troubled the headlines - he and his partner kept out of the limelight."

More to follow...

Good evening

stevedickinson — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:36:00 +0000

Good Evening all.

I hoep everyone has had a good day. I'm still at work at the mo. But will be leaving at 1900hrs providing the oncoming shift turn up on time!!

Have a great evening everyone.

Posted this link before but it really is a wacky video!

Enjoy

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=7I3vnWyXS2Y

Steve

Good afternoon

stevedickinson — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 15:40:00 +0000

I hope everyone is well this cold afternoon.

Heres something to make you chuckle.

Wicked song and wacky Video(Ignore the first 30secs!!).

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=7I3vnWyXS2Y

Enjoy the rest of the day

Stevex

Good Morning

stevedickinson — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 08:51:00 +0000

Good Morning all.

Hope everyone has a great day. I'm here at work today. So you'll all enjoy it more than me lol.

Take it easy

Steve

Evening

stevedickinson — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 21:46:00 +0000

Evening All as Dixon of Dockgreen would say(Showing my age now)

Hope everyone has had a great day. I'm back ato work again. My weekend starts at 0700hrs in the morning!!

Thought i would share this with you. i love this song and video, they are both wicked. Enjoy.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=tj7aNPWbvgo

Stevex

Good Morning

stevedickinson — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 06:38:00 +0000

Good Morning all

I'm off home to bed. Hope everyone has a great day.

See you all later

Stevex

Good Evening

stevedickinson — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 20:37:00 +0000

I hope everyone has had a good day.

I'm here all night. Won't be finishing until 0700hrs in the morning.

So sleep well.

Stevex

Good Morning

stevedickinson — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 07:41:00 +0000

Good Morning All

I hope everyone is OK. Have a great day.

I'm at work!! here until 1900hrs tonight. Nowhere I would rather be NOT!!! Especially on a Saturday.

Have a good one

Steve

Hangman

stevedickinson — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:56:00 +0000

12 lives

Theme

Famous Actors

- - - - - - - - - - - / - - - - - - -

Joke

stevedickinson — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:43:00 +0000

A young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an Exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box Full of live frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Comes with Complete instructions." The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just Follow the instructions." The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does Exactly what is specified: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy nightie. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any Problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the blonde calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over." Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just Sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this One more time...

Good evening all

stevedickinson — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:28:00 +0000

I'm here for the nightshift, So if anyone is bored and fancies a game of hangman or anything then let me know.

Sleep well all those who don't have to stay up!!!

Steve