snodge blog on Absolute Radio

Bah Humbug :-(

snodge — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 03:12:22 +0000

Is there any body out there is dreading christmas as much as me?

Its only the 2nd December and I am sick to death of people talking about decorations, how many presents they have got already and a fabulous time they are going to have.

I feel as if im letting my girls down this year cant buy them much, as my hubby lost his job a few months ago, got bills, bills, bills, bailiffs knocking on the door. Im putting in as many hours as I can but it still isn't enough to have a "good" christmas, so as a result we are going to my mothers (which was nice of her to ask) but it is going to be such a strain. Ho hum

Is anybody else dreading it?

Sorry for being so miserable x x x x

Genuine I.T. Helpdesk Query

snodge — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:21:31 +0000

Customer: My keyboard is not working

Helpdesk: Are you sure its plugged into the computer?

Customer: No, I cant get behind the computer

Helpdesk: Pick up the keyboard and walk 10 paces back

Customer: O.K.

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in!

Well thats another wknd over :-(

snodge — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 21:35:39 +0000

Good evening every body x x

How are we all?

Did abybody see any snow today?

How was the weekend?

I have had a lovely weekend, my girls stopped at my mothers all weekend so I spent it under the duvet watching crappy films, from GI Jane to city slickers and many other crappier ones x x

But to put a dampener on my weekend I've started my night shift and some bast... nasty person has broken my radio, so I wont be able to listen to absolute :-(

God 10 hours of no music :-(

Stay warm love to you all x x x x

So glad Im not a bed bug ! x !

snodge — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 21:28:08 +0000

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The female knot-tying weaverbird will refuse to mate with a male who has built a shoddy nest. If spurned, the male must take the nest apart and completely rebuild it in order to win the affections of the female.
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The male Darwin frog, found in Chile, swallows his mates eggs and keeps them in a sac under his chin. When the tadpoles are big enough he opens his mouth and lets them out.
•
The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this small problem, the male uses his curved penis to drill a vagina into the female.
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The female Praying Mantis eats her mate after sex. During the act the female will hook her large arms around to hold him in place and start nibbling away. The sex drive is so strong in the male that he can continue to copulate even if his partner gets a little peckish before he's finished.
•
The male tick doesn't have a penis. Instead, he uses his nose to sniff out the females vagina. Once he's made it large enough by poking his nose around, he turns round and deposits his seamen. To finish the job off, he then turns round again and pushes the seamen inside with his trusty nose.
•
The oyster is usually ambisexual. It begins life as a male, then becomes a female, then changes back to being a male, then back to being female. It may go back and forth many times.
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So, you've heard the phrase, "going at it like rabbits". Well, the desert rat makes the rabbit look a little useless in the Don Juan stakes. The desert rat can have sex up to 120 times an hour.

Animal magic

snodge — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 21:24:52 +0000

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Male fruit bats have the highest incidence of homosexuality in the animal kingdom even overtaking humans!
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An ostrich's eye is actually bigger than it's brain is!
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The giant sloth sleeps for 17 hours per day yet only spends about 70 minutes dreaming.
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Antarctica is the only continent on earth without reptiles.
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There were once more sea lions on earth than people.
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In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.
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If you keep a goldfish in a darkened room for long enough it will turn white.
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A person swallows about three spiders every year on average.
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The US pilgrim fathers would not eat lobster because they thought it was a giant insect.

Bad joke for those Monday blues! x x

snodge — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 03:47:57 +0000

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you
can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.

Nahh" said the bloke,

"I'm just a really bad conductor"

Stranger than strange Laws

snodge — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:09:42 +0000

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In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be lifted by the law if the driver is deemed either 'poorly dressed' or 'unbathed'.
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On the island of Jersey it's against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
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In Alabama it is illegal to carry a comb in your pocket, because it may be used as a weapon. This comes after a 13 year old boy was killed when he was stabbed with a comb.
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In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.
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It is against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma.
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In Fairbanks, Alaska it is illegal for a moose to walk on the side walk. This dates back to the early days if the town when the owner of the bar had a pet moose that he used to get drunk. The moose would then stumble around the town drunk. The only way the law makers could prevent this from happining was to create the law so the moose could not cross the sidewalk and get into the bar.
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In Quebec, Canada, an old law states that margarine must be a different colour from butter. This law is the result of Quebec dairy lobbyists' pressure to ''protect'' their dairy business. They claimed margarine was beginning to resemble butter, as to be mistaken for real butter. Make margarine unattractive, and consumers would stick to butter. The Quebec government caved in, and tried to impose a dark vermilion-coloured margarine, which was disgusting. The colour, finally, at the other extreme, is a pallid almost-white-colourless margarine.
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According to a british law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offense. Offenders could be hanged for trying.
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It is illegal to sell an ET doll in France. They have a law forbidding the sale of dolls that do not have human faces.

Phobias

snodge — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:06:20 +0000

Cor there are some strange phobias out there. Couldn't find the one I was looking for. Does anybody know what a strong dislike to cottonwool is?

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
is the fear of long words.

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Clinophobia
is the fear of beds.
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Paedophobia
is a fear of children.
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Automatonophobia
is a fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues or anything that falsly represents a sentient being.

Hypnophobia
is a morbid fear of sleep and falling asleep.

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Lyssophobia
is a morbid fear of insanity.
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Phobatrivaphobia
is a fear of trivia about phobias
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Dromophobia
is a fear of crossing the road
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Unatractiphobia
is a fear of ugly people.
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Arachibutyrophobia
is a fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Evening Ladies and Jellyspoons

snodge — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 22:20:49 +0100

How are all you wonderfull vip'ers doing today.

Im feeling quite miserable today, why is it all problems seem to come at once?

Oh well im sure things will get better :-)

I got AR turned up full blast and having a sing (Well attempting to lol) in my empty office. Hopefully wont wake the patients. x x

Hows the weather where you are, tis blowing a gale here.

take care all x x x x

Winters on its way

snodge — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:20:34 +0100

The nights are drawing in, its cold and wet and windy.

I can feel the misery creeping up upon me and nowadays we cant even look forward to the on coming summer because lets be honest its just like it is now except its lighter in the morning and evenings.

So what I want to know what are your winter remedies that get you threw til summer.

Theres nothing more that I like than wrapping up in my duvet, watching a film with lots of popcorn and a nice bottle of wine.

Bobs your uncle?

snodge — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 02:03:44 +0100

I have lots of weird thoughts going threw my head at this time in the morning, and with most sayings there is a history of how it originated.

I wounder how Bobs your uncle came to pass, so I thougt I'd do a bit of searching, cause work is very slow this evening (yeah I know I need help lol)

and this is what I came up with:

An Americans Guide to speaking English

Bob's your uncle - This is a well used phrase. It is added to the end of sentences a bit like and that's it! For example if you are telling someone how to make that fabulous banoffee pie you just served them, you would tell them to boil the condensed milk for three hours, spread it onto a basic cheesecake base, slice bananas on top, add some whipped double cream, another layer of banana and Bob's your uncle!

No I didn't find out why, but I now know how to make a banoffee pie.

PUKKA x x

Why its good to be a woman

snodge — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:56:30 +0100

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with
the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3 Taxis stop for us.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate
without ever touching her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often
to make sure our privates are still there.

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without
having to picture them naked

12. If we marry someone 20 years younger,
we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

13. We will never regret piercing our ears

14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

DOES THAT MEAN IM GETTING OLD

snodge — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:13:32 +0100

It has occured to me that I must be getting old :-(

I love Virgin Radio, but I just cant get enthusiastic about most new bands.

Im not saying that todays songs arent good, I have a bit of sing song to some.

But I am in my element when older hits come on the radio.

You cant beat the 60's 70's, a bit of Bowie, The Beatles, The Cockney Rebles, Queen, ELO, the list goes on!

I cant remember the last time I brought an album in the charts.

Does this mean im getting old, stuck in my ways, lost my tuneful ear, or is that im just listening to what my parents played and all the memories they come with? Hopefully in twenty odd years I will finally realise the talents of the likes of The Killers, Duffy and such likes?

Eveneing One and All x x x x

snodge — Sat, 10 May 2008 21:23:05 +0100

SEEMS VERY QUIET IN HERE TONIGHT!

ITS UNDERSTANDABLE REALLY, A LOVELY WARM DAY THE PUB GARDENS ARE CALLING, A NICE ICE COLD LAGER SITTING ON THE GARDEN TABLE, WITH WATER DROPLETS SLOWLY ROLLING DOWN THE SIDE OF THE GLASS!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

OH BUGGER IM AT WORK X X WAS DAY DREAMING THERE FOR A MINUTE LOL

HOW ARE YOU ALL? ENJOY YOUR EVENING X X

Another Glorious Weekend To come

snodge — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:01:45 +0100

Good evening VIPers

Hope you all have a fab weekend and make good use of the lovely weather!

Here all night so come and say hi x x x