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snochie_bochies — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 17:23:00 +0000

THINGS TO DO IN A PUBLIC TOILET:-

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour,"May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a
bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Damn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain realLY loud for 30 seconds and then drop a grapefruit
into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

8. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under
the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa ! Easy boy !!"

9. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

10. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet
paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,
"Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

11. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can
see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

A guy goes into a supermarket and buys:
* one tin of beans
* one bag of chips
* one pack of burgers
* one tub of ice cream
* one cake
* one case of beer
* one pint of milk

He takes them over to the checkout, and the girl looks at what he has bought and asks if he is single.

The guy replies sarcastically, "Yes. However did you guess?"

The girl replies: "Simple...You are one ugly bastard!"

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM AREN'T:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge.
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For £200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffiest one he could.

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty, but in law but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER!

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer

You're not gonna check the boot, are you?

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

What? You need a license to drive?

THINGS TO DO ON AN ELEVATOR

snochie_bochies — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 17:21:00 +0000

THINGS TO DO ON AN ELEVATOR:

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your mobile and ask if they know
what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

13) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't
panic, they open up again."

14) Swat at flies that don't exist.

15) Tell people that you can see their aura.

16) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside,
ask,"Got enough air in there?"

19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
without getting off.

20) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.

22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the
other passengers, "This is my personal space

Have fun!

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THINGS TO DO ON AN ELEVATOR