smirky blog on Absolute Radio

snowy

smirky — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 02:04:00 +0000

lady and her best friend go on hols to the caribbeanand meet a muscular black guy.after a week of fantanstic 3some sex they ask his name,

my names snowy he says

the ladies start laughing,he asks why they are laughing?

they reply our friends will never believe we had 10 inches of fucking snow in the caribbean!!!!!!

morning

smirky — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 09:12:00 +0000

good morning vips well only 3 more days and back to reality anyway just sending you a joke and hope you all have a gr8 weeekend

a woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex.........

doctors removed 2 ñokias, 3 motorolas and a samsung. no siemen was found !!!!!!!!!!!

enjoy your weekend

morning

smirky — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 08:42:00 +0000

good morning vips just thought i wish you all a great weekend from sunny lanzarote.just heading to the beach where i shallbe standing at the bar and lying on the beach or standing on the beach and lying at the bar see you in 10 days time

thought for today

smirky — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 10:08:00 +0000

good morning all you vips out there hope you all are enjoying this sunny tuesday morning

just remember vips a doggie isn't just for christmas

you can enjoy that position all year round happy days!!!!!!

good morning

smirky — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 09:58:00 +0100

morning all on this miserable day here's a few jokes that will hopefully put a smile on some of your faces

quasimodo is lying on the ground in front of the notre dame bleeding everywhere broken legs and broken arms.He looks up at the bell tower and sees Esmerelda looking down at him.He shouts up"You bitch ,thats not what i meant when i said toss me off."

one for the ladies

7 WAYS VODKA IS BETTER 4 WOMEN THAN COCK

1 VODKA IS ALWAYS STIFF

2 VODKA DOESN'T LOOK SMALLER WHEN ITS COLD

3 VODKA LASTS AS LONG AS YOU WANT IT TOO

4 VODKA DOESN'T PROD YOU IN THE BACK IN THE MORNING DEMANDING ATTENTION

5YOU DON'T CARE HOW FAR DOWN YOUR THROAT VODKA GOES

6 YOU CAN ENJOY A VODKA IN FRONT OF YOUR MUM

7 VODKA IS ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO SWALLOW

What do you call a yugoslavian prostitute?

Slobberdown Mecock Yabitch

Mcvities have just brought out a new biscuit range called "Clitoris Creams"

they carry a guarantee one lick and you'll want to eat the whole box.

Rocky the rooster woz the biggest meanest rooster in the worldand spent his time beating the crap out of all the other animals on the farm.one day he picked on the farmyard cat unfortunately the cat beat the crap out of him.the moral of the story is no matter how big the cock is the pussy can always take it

scotland

smirky — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 16:11:00 +0100

afternoon all just popped on to wish scotland all the very best against the french tonight. just off down the town to stock up on the liquid refreshment.hope you all have an enjoyable evening i know i will whatever the result

hi all

smirky — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 14:08:00 +0100

hello all you vr vips long time no see hope you all are behaving yourselves heres a few jokes for you

wife gets naked & asks her hubby: what turns you on more my pretty face or my sexy body?

hubby looks her up and down and replies ' your f***ing sense of humour!'

mick hucknall has just been arrested for shagging a rabbit! apparently he was ' holding back the ears' but the 'bunny was too tight too mention

pavarotti's wife just phoned the undertaker and asked' can u do a funeral for a tenor' they told her to f*** off

st peter takes pavarotti to the pearly gates and says to god here's that tenor i owe you

stranger in town

smirky — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 15:44:00 +0100

good afternoon to all you vips out there just popped on to say hi and am back for a bit. hope you all keeping well and it wiil take me a while to say hi to all of you but i will do in good time

anyway got my sleeping tablets and viagra mixed up this afternoon.

ended up having forty wanks!!!!!!!

MORE THANKS

smirky — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 12:37:00 +0100

been missing since i went off sunday afternoon and received all these congrats from all you vips so just saying thanks again and i will get round to leaving you all a shout thanks again and yes i finished the vodka lol

thanks

smirky — Sun, 01 Jul 2007 12:20:00 +0100

hi all many thanks for all your shouts this morning i was just going to have a couple of beers today while i watched scotland under 20's in the world cup in canada but now i'm vipotd i will probably have some vodka too. that bottle will come in handy lornann lol.not that i need an excuse for a drink .so i will be downing a few drinks pretty shortly so you are welcome to join in .IF i'm sober later i might see you all then thanks again everyone and ROCK ON !!!!!!

the seaman

smirky — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 14:37:00 +0100

This is a true story about a seaman.

Between the innocence of infancy and the recklessness of humanity there is a being known as a seaman.Seaman can be found in bars,in arguments,in bed,in debt and intoxicated.They are all tall,short,fat,thin,dark,fairbut never normal.They hate ship's food,chief engineers,etc,writing letters,sailing on a saturday and dry ships.

They like receiving mail,pay off day,nude pin ups,sympathy,complaining and beer!A seaman's secret ambitionis to change places with the ship's owners,to own a brewery and to be loved by everyone.

A seaman is Sir Galahadin a chinese brothel,a phsyco analyst with a readers digest on the table anddon quixote with a discharge book,the saviour of mankind with his back teeth awash,valentino with a fiver in his back pocket and democracy personifiedin a red chinese prison cell.

A seaman is a provider in war and a parasite in peace,no one is subjected to so much abuse,wrongly accused,so often misunderstood by so many people as a seaman.

He has the patience of the job,the honesty of a fool and the heaven sent ability to laugh at himself.When he returns home from a long voyage,noone but a seaman can createan atmosphere as he walks through the door with the magicwords on his lips"I'm home have you got the beer in ". And he tells of his story of his adventures.

When his money runs out,he sadly returns to sea,with a casual"See you when i see you "

I know because i was one of these great men.

afternoon joke

smirky — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 15:17:00 +0100

goog afternoon all hope we are all enjoying the weekend and the rest that is to come

A woman bought her husband a present for his birthday.

He opened it up and said"What the fuck do i want with a rocket?"

She said "You wanted space now fuck off."

job interview

smirky — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 16:29:00 +0100

afternoon all hope you've all been good while i've been away.job interview with the internet betting firm went really well got the highest mark on the sports quiz they set you and the guy was really impressed with the experience i had they said i should get to know in about 2 weeks time.so getting paid to watch football can't be bad.

might see you all around till friday playing golf in newbury so a trip round the m 25 and i might not be back till saturday lol

which also means i won't be drinking tonight which will please some people lol but i'll make up for it friday lol

poor old mum

smirky — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 13:40:00 +0100

good afternoon vips hope you are all enjoying the sunshine.took my dad a bottle of whisky for father's day and my mum told me this story that happened to her last week i just hope its not genetic lol

she went to the village shops to use the atm to get some money .anyway she couldn't understand why she wasn't getting any money out. then she realised she was only standing in the phone booth i was pissing myself laughing thinking she phones the bank to say that she put her card in but no money came out

anyway you will be glad to hear that she hadn't been drinking either

good afternoon

smirky — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 13:20:00 +0100

afternoon folks how is everyone this miserable monday.managed to get up at half four this morning and made it to work finished at quarter to eleven and am not sure whether to have a livener or not .any suggestions