sarahmay blog on Absolute Radio

Can my holiday get any worse

sarahmay — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 19:30:25 +0000

Well it has to be said my current holiday is pretty crap. I know i should expect it when i spend my entire holiday visiting faily in november in Britian, but and this is the big but you don't expect to spend the best part of your holiday in bed with a throat infection do you? as you may have guessed thats what's happened to me, but not just to me , my husband has the same thing and took great pleasure in ensuring that i got it. I can't even drink because I'm on Anti-biotics. just to top it all off I've now also lost my voice and can't stick up for myself with my mother in law as that's where i've been staying the last few days and where i still am now. What is a girl to do? All sympathy will be accepted and also thoes with a worst story shall get my sympathy but please bare in mind i still have a full week off work ahead and a dental appointment too.

Hello Hello Hello

sarahmay — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:37:13 +0000

Just testing to see if anyones about as it's been a while since i last wrote a blog. In fact it was the last time i sat in front of this very lap top.

So I've now been married nearly 9 months and what can i say life is great. As yet no patter of tiny feet but who knows it may happen soon. however the house has come on a treat and work is good.

For thoese who may like to know yes I'm still working for starbucks and still making the coffees.

Sadly not much more to report but who knows what is around the next corner.

Wedding part 2

sarahmay — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 11:33:54 +0000

Well we both made it to the cermony as you've already read.

We decided to do something a little different though in the service it's self. We had all the legal things happen you know the score , speak now if you object etc and the usuall things for the exchange of the rings .

Well we also decided to add a couple of readings to the service, we had "true Love" a william shakesphere piece read by the registrar and then the highlight of the service was me reading to dave an extract from a native american wedding cermony which had great significance to the both of us as one of the lines was " there are now 3 lives, my life your life and our life together" there was more which we loved too but i can't remember it at the moment as i was concentrating that much on not crying and on getting the words right.

Well after that the pictures were plain sailing.

Then we made everyones day as we walked from the registry office to the pub where we were having the receptition and eceryone we came across we made smile, in fact i even flashed my dress to the local newsagent.

well the pub "thomas Rigby's" on dale street in liverpool did us proud and everyone enjoyed it in there the food was good the wine was flowing and the pictures were taken.

There is still more to come so keep a look out........

A Wedding Thank You

sarahmay — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:09:06 +0000

Well here goes, a very big thank you to all of you for all the messages of congrats,I've finally had chance to access a pc to up date you on our big day.

Well what can i say i suprised ny self by being the picture of calm even though on the morning i awoke about5.30am to watch the sunrise and in general let the nerves kick in. As the service wasn't till 2pm i had lot of time in which to get nervous.

Most of the day is a blur well sort of i had an early start by having to collect food for the evening from everyones fave M&S where the staff couldn't believe that it was my wedding day as i was so calm. Following that i picked up my mum from the hairdressers and we wondered back to the hotel. (yes i stayed away from my now husband the night before even though we've lived together for 12 years) BBack at the hotel i went to my room to try and relax and have a shower but sadly relaxing wasn't on the cards but a good friend called to wish me luck(Thanks Sam) and so to do my colleges from work, also they sadly rang me with bad news to but that was to say that a couple of people couldn't come due to illness and work commitments.

So the cavlery started to arrive at my room from 12pm in the form of my sisters and mum and the first bottle of champers was opened and the drinkd started to flow, well mine did anyway as my glass was never empty.

So far so good, then the fire alarm went off, well i would have paniced any other time but thankfully we'd been warned even though my dad had tried to get my sisters to let me believe it was a real alarm, it was in fact a drill for the staff and we didn't have to leave the room or hotel after all.

Suddenly we got the call ... no not the one where he's decided to not turn up but to say that the first cars were waiting for my mum and my sisters(emma and amie, my brothers fiancee emma and amie's best friend steph)

They left me with just my dress to put on, thankfully i could do that on my own others wise i may still be there now.I was ready and made my way down with my big long black coat on over the top so no one could see and meet my dad in receptition,ready to get in my car when it arrived.

This was it, my final journey as a single woman,thankfully we had a chatty driver and the weather well who would have guessd 14c in the sun not a cloud in the sky and everyone semed to be happy. Then we started towards the registry office and there was what seemed like hundreds of people on the street stood around with clipboards and fire jackets on, Oh My God was all i could think well that and what the f**k is going on here, thnkfully it was yet another fire drill so another disaster was averted.

Then we had the nearsest miss possible and all our hard work was nearly undone,Dave and i arrived at the same time, thankfully my family saw and stood in front of me and Dave's best men formed a wall between him and my family and so we managed still not to see each other.

Anyway i shall leave it at that for now and continue with the cermony on my next blog hope you enjoy reading it.

Thinking

sarahmay — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 14:42:52 +0000

Well here i am the first blog of the new year and sadly the last one possibly for a while as i have lots going on, first off exactly 5 weeks today at this time i shall no longer be a miss, my big day is really only 5 weeks away and i'm starting to turn into a bridezilla.

Ok that may be a slight over statement but i'm starting to panic, don't worry all the important things are done i have a dress still no shoes to match but at least i have something to wear, we have the rings finally well will have on saturday even though we kinda left it till the last minute the cake is sorted and so to is the food now we just ned to sort our honeymoon but that will come.

So it's been a hetic christmas and ney year and i'd like to say a very happy ney year to everyone a bit late i know but as they say better late than never. I'll try and get on again soon but if not hope yuo all take care.

Fake versus Real

sarahmay — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 10:36:31 +0000

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "Damn we f**ked up.but that shit was fun!"
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "B**ch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."
FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk sh1t to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the f**k out.
FAKE FRIENDS: Wont send this back.
REAL FRIENDS: Will send this to you and to 10 friends

PRESS!!!!!!

sarahmay — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 12:50:47 +0000

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy
to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable
person to show you care.

Well, my job is done .....Your turn!

The Future of Nursery Rhymes

sarahmay — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 11:39:43 +0100

The future of Nursery Rhymes:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct

It's Raining, It's Pouring
Oh shit, it's Global Warming

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties
He can't keep his heartrate down
And she's got diebetes

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman
"What have u got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cos he was gay.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Jill, the dill,
forgot her pill,
and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing

Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white and whispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now its black and crispy

Mary 'ad a little pig
She couldn't stop it gruntin'
She took it down the garden path
And kicked its f**king c**t in!!!!!

Spider, spider on the wall.
Ain't you got no sense at all?
Can't you see the walls been plastered?
Now you're stuck you silly ******

Mirror Mirror on the wall.
Whos the fairest of them all?
The mirror laughed & den it spat-
It sure aint u.u ugly prat!

Mary Mary quite contrairy how does your garden grow?
Listen you prat i live in a flat so how the damn do I know

A Big Sorry to all

sarahmay — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 15:17:53 +0100

Well it's been a while since i was last here and since my last visit i've started a new job.

For those of you who don't know i've just begun my career with Starbucks and as such am throughly enjoying it so far.

It's only been a few days and it's kinda wiping me out at the moment. I'm sure you know what i mean, especially when you're having to learn or relearn skills the you've not used in a while.(8 years in some cases) but so far i've managed to not serve the wrong coffee or screw up too much but please no complicated questions just yet as i'm still learning.

So there you go just a little catchj up as too what i'm doing at the moment, hope to be back on a pc near you soon but we shall wait and see.

Hope you are all well and look forward to chatting to you soon

Stardust

sarahmay — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 10:38:25 +0100

ok i know i know you've all seen the ad on tv for this exciting new fairy tale coming to a cinema near you from the 19th october but my big question to you is how many of you have read the book or rather the graphic novel by Neil Gaiman.

The reason i ask is this. I love Neil Gaiman(well his writing anyway) and in a way would like to keep him slightly underground as thats the best way to enjoy his writing. Stardust is probably my favorite book/comic depenind on how you look at it by him and as such i feel that his credibility is some what lostwith this adapation.

Don't get me wrong i'm pleased that it's been done and with the way it looks from the snippets i've seen i think its been done well with a great cast of actors but its going to have a lot to live up too with all this hype, i just hope i'm not disappointed.

The biggest problem i have with it is TAKE THAT doing the tilte song for it. WHY???

anyway thats my little rant aboout it would llove to hear your point of view about it,and if you do enloy the film when you see pleas try and read his books as he's an amazing writer.

a tip for all men...make the woman happy

sarahmay — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 15:49:31 +0100

Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the system is set up.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed. (+1)
* You make the bed but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
* You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5) In the rain. (+8) But return
with Beer. (-5)
* You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
* You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
* You pummel it with iron rod. (+10)
* It's her pet. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party. (0)
You stay by her side for a while and then leave to chat with a college buddy. (-2)
Named Tina. (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-20)
Tina has silicone implants. (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner.. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2) And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2) It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, 'It doesn't matter; you have one too.' (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, 'Do I look fat?' (-5)
[Yes, you lose points no matter what]
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, 'Where?' (-35)
Any other response. (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned expression. (0) You listen, for over 30 minutes.(+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

GOOD NEWS !!!

sarahmay — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 09:47:54 +0100

Well, what can I say . it’s been a tough couple of months but you may all be pleased to hear that I’ve finally got through it and have been offered a job. I’m due to start in the next week or so. I’ve been offered and accepted a general managers job with Starbucks which is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while but as some of you know it’s taken me a while to get here. Sadly it does mean I’ll be spending even less time on here , if that’s possible but it does mean the wedding planning is back on track and so to is the house. Here’s a big THANK YOU to all who have been supportive and some ICB’S to celebrate.

The Value of a Drink

sarahmay — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 10:51:57 +0100

The Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's allget drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some ! it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not

After reading all of the above, I have a new personal rule, "I WILL NO LONGER WORK DURING DRINKING HOURS.

More air traffic blunders

sarahmay — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 15:08:51 +0100

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and
I'll have enough parts for another one."

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign: Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Air Traffic Control

sarahmay — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 13:07:33 +0100

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"