peter_comte blog on Absolute Radio

T.G.I.F!

peter_comte — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:28:00 +0100

Couple of jokes to end the week with a laugh,

1. Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?''Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.''That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be *%$@*d if he needed glasses'.

2. There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.' He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?' He asks her 'Shall we?' She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the Pigeon down and you s**t on its head.'

Good Morning........

peter_comte — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:58:00 +0100

Top of the morning to you all. It's Wednesday, Hump Day! Have a great one........what ever!

It's a bloody struggle.......

peter_comte — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 23:04:00 +0000

Struggling this morning, got caught by the cleaner having a wee kip at my desk, one minute I was resting my head on my hand and the next the cleaner is poking the duster about. It's only Wednesday still got a couple of days to go before the weekend. Actually I think it might be the weekends that are causing the damage.........well might go to the crapper and have lil' snooze there, TTFN. Pete.

Fire's is there no escape from them.......

peter_comte — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 04:08:00 +0000

Not bushfires this time but House fire, My wife brothers house caught fire yesterday, it gutted the place including her mothers flat which was attached to the house all gutted, lost the lot. All safe and well though which is the main thing, but those personal items and keepsakes that can't be replaced gone.... Lucky I get on with the Mother in Law coz she will be staying with us for quite some time. Grand kids will be happy. Never a dull moment. Cheers Pete

Something Different?..........

peter_comte — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 01:48:00 +0000

Want to listen to something different? Try one of my Favorite artist Corb Lund and the Hurtin Albertans. I saw Corb play last night up close at a small venue in Melbourne got to meet him and get some pixs and autographs. What a great show, great muscian and good fella too. Do your self a favour and check him out at

http://www.corblund.com/site.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDY6bWT5oTM

Hope the links work, Cheers Pete.

Home Fires Still Burning,,,,,,,

peter_comte — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 23:39:00 +0000

Hi Guys,

Thanks for the comments etc. The fires still burning somewhat controlled at the moment. I'm busy working 12 hour shifts with the fire, so work sleeping and working basically. Will repy when I get the chance. Big wind shift forecast for Friday coming from the North, could spell more trouble. 246 deceased at this stage and building not sure when that will come to an end. Will take months to I.D the bodies or whats left of them. Anyway will keep you posted. TTFN. Pete

Bushfire Devastation............

peter_comte — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 07:30:00 +0000

What a weekend it's been here in the land of OZ. My state Victoria is on fire, the smoke is choking and Saturday reached 47 deg C. Howling hot winds. Where I am Seymour is about 20 ks from the Fire front but fortunately for us its moving to the north east away from here. 126 people dead so far over 750 houses lost. The wind is apparently keeping up a south wester until Friday when they say it will go around to the North again. We will have to wait and see what happens. Hopefully alll will be under control by then. Cheers Pete.

Bloody Hot Here........

peter_comte — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:44:00 +0000

Forecast for next few days

Wed Jan 28 - Sunny Max 43 Min 20

Thu Jan 29 - Sunny Max 42 Min 24

Fri Jan 30 - Sunny Max 42 Min 24

Sat Jan 31 - Cloud Max 43 Min 24

Sun Feb 01 – Stormy Max 37 Min 23

43 deg C = 110F

Time to hit the pool!

Are you Lonely.......?.

peter_comte — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 02:10:00 +0000

Well, what do you all think? Are people on Absolute messaging coz their lonely? Some I guess enjoy the simply interaction and stay on, Some I guess have a common interest in Music. Why do they leave? Do Some go coz they are board? , Some people seem to slowly disappear when someone special appears in their lives, I wonder?. Me coz I'm form OS the land of OZ, I'm interested in your views on issues, another perspective you might say. We all look at thing differently and are influenced by aspects of our daily lives and cultures. Who cares you might say and does it really matter. Just my thoughts.

I'm Back for 2009.........

peter_comte — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 23:33:00 +0000

Been on 4 weeks leave but back to the grindstone again. Had two weeks off from Gigs after a crazy flat out Xmas period which started in late October for us. Now it all starts again lot's of Weddings to play etc Jan, Feb, March Weddin Weather speaking of weather our weather today 37 degrees and 42 forecast for tomorrow. Good news Keith Urban touring again this yearts can't wait to see him again, I think he's in the U.K soon or now can't remember the dates might have been April now I think of it. Anyway enought of this chatter. Have a great week all. Cheers Pete.

the dates

Part Two........These were genuine sentences in letters written to councils in UK

peter_comte — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 05:03:00 +0000

14..Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15..I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16..The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17...Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

18..I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19..Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20.. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

22.. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

23..He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

Part One.....

peter_comte — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 04:40:00 +0000

These were genuine sentences in letters written to councils in UK

1.. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow

2.. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3.. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4.. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5.. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6..My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7.. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8.. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.

11.. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13..Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Don't Understand the Stock Market?

peter_comte — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 21:31:00 +0000

Once upon a time, in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.

The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching. The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, Since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at All these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again and once more there were monkeys everywhere.

Now do you understand why and how the stock market works?

Food For Thought

peter_comte — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 22:20:00 +0000

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first plac

Time for a sickie

peter_comte — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 12:55:00 +0100

Howdy all, Yep chucking a sickie tomorrow. Tony and I are doing the rounds of the music shops in Melbourne. (State Capital) Who knows what I'll come home with never can have too mant guitars. The wife always gets nervous on our music shop days. Anyway have a goof one catch you Friday, Cheers, Pete