elmofire1 blog on Absolute Radio

a little xmas joke

elmofire1 — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 22:12:04 +0000

Two old people (like me) were worried about losing there memories so they went to a doctor who told them that they had no need to worry, all they had to do was to write down what they had to remember and all would be fine. That night, the woman said to her husband,"I'd really like a bowl of ice- cream with strawberries and whipped cream on the top" Her husband got up to get it for her and she said,"dont you want to write it down?" "No" he said,"I'll remember that!". Twenty minutes later he comes back with eggs and bacon. She looks at him with concern and says,"you daft old sod, wheres my toast?" Happy christmas all! xxxxx

absence makes the heart etc

elmofire1 — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 15:26:05 +0000

not been around for a while, work probs, home probs,etc etc. No need to bore you with all that. But I am sorted! all is ok with the world and I can face Christmas with a happy heart (and a full tummy) I wish everyone at the VR site a joyous christmas and all good wishes for the new year.I will be back on full power next week, so, look out world,elmo is back. love you all loads. xxxx

ok bestest ever joke heared.lol

elmofire1 — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:26:49 +0000

i cant stay long on the site tonite,only my wife has laryngitis and i dont want to miss it.

Slightly newer joke than TB's

elmofire1 — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:15:15 +0000

A woman goes to a doctor and says " I have a problem". The doctor says," Oh dear, and what is the matter?". The woman says," if I look to the right, then I see Mickey Mouse, If I look to the left, I see Goofy, and if I look behind me I see Pluto." So the doctor says, " and how long have you been having these 'disney spells' "

HANGMAN???

elmofire1 — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 20:37:00 +0000

_ _ _ _ _ _ / _ / _ _ _ / _ _ _ / _ _ _

band

HANGMAN 2

elmofire1 — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 20:02:40 +0000

This one is a band too,lol

_ _ _ / _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ _ _

easy or wot?

Medical Joke (for Sezz's bar)

elmofire1 — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 21:02:40 +0100

A young couple had just found out that her elderly father, along with the other men in his nursing home were prescribed viagra every day. When she confronts the director and asks for an explanation, the director says itstops them rolling out of bed at night

HANGMAN cont

elmofire1 — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 21:28:22 +0100

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ / _ _ _ _ _

70s cult drama

HANGMAN cont

elmofire1 — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 21:28:21 +0100

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ / _ _ _ _ _

70s cult drama

A JOKE?

elmofire1 — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 19:45:56 +0100

Not sure if this is where i heard it but here goes.

An Englishman,Irishman and Scotsman go into a pub and the barman says" Is this some kind of joke?"

Hungry!

elmofire1 — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 18:00:30 +0100

Going to get some food. back in a wee while. Hang loose buds!

EVENING ALL

elmofire1 — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 17:49:03 +0100

Going to be around most of the evening, looking for fun and laughs and a good drink in sezzs bar. How is everyone?

Guy goes into a bar

elmofire1 — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 20:30:38 +0100

A guy goes into a bar and orders 2 pints of lager. The barman serves him, the guy drinks the lager, unzips himself and pees all over the bar. The barman is incensed and says" You dirty b******d, Get out of here. You're barred." The guy says," look! I'm so embarrassed. I'm getting help for this " the barman says " i dont care. Get out!"

Next week, the guy goes back into the bar and asks for 2 pints of lager. The barman informs him that he has been barred to which the guy says" Its all right, I told you that I was having treatment. Its worked. I'm cured" So the barman serves him the drinks, the guy drinks them,unzips his fly and pees all over the bar.

The barman is fuming . " you evil little sod, I thought that you said you were cured?"

And the guy says" I am. I'm not embarrassed anymore!"

Guy in a bar

elmofire1 — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 20:03:41 +0100

Guy goes into a bar and orders 6 scotches. He then proceeds to drink the 1st,3rd and 5th in succession. He then goes to leave and the barman says, " hey, what about the rest of them?" The guy replies, "Its ok, the doctor said I should only have the odd drink"

WAS IT FOR THE MONEY?

elmofire1 — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 19:21:09 +0100

Hi giys, Just flicking through my vinyls the other day and discovered that some of the biggest names in music recorded songs that dont really stand up in their great canon of work. For example, David Bowie released a song in the late sixties called" Laughing Gnome" anyone remember that?. Also Queen were maybe ill-advised to put "Sinday Afternoon" on the great "Night at the opera" . Anone got any similar examples to share and comment on?