craigmurray blog on Absolute Radio

Common sense just ain't what it used to be...

craigmurray — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 11:22:38 +0100

The following is a letter sent to the New Zealand Herald earlier this year:

Sir. My brother-in-law recently went through security at Auckland airport, and witnessed a passenger having to fish out her nail scissors from her handbag and leave them behind. He passed through security, then boarded his plane.

After being seated, he realised that he could smell petrol. He knew that you shouldn't be able to smell petrol on a plane, because planes don't use petrol. The smell got worse, and eventually he attracted te attention of one of the flight attendants, who started to look around to see where it was coming from. After a short search of the overhead compartments, the attendant found a chainsaw in a bag that was leaking petrol into the compartment.

The plane was delayed while the owner was identified, and the chainsaw was put with the main luggage. The owner of the chainsaw said security had stopped him and asked him about it, but had let him through because it wasn't one of the things on their list to confiscate.

Bidding begins on 'entire life'

craigmurray — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 16:27:36 +0100

An ex-pat who decided to make a clean break after splitting with his wife has so far attracted 70 bids for his "entire life".

The 44-year-old said he hoped to earn about £185,000 for his Perth lifestyle. The highest offer currently stands at AU $300,100.00

Up for auction is his three-bedroom home in the western Australian city and everything inside it, including his car, motorcycle, jet ski and parachuting gear.

He is also selling an introduction to his friends and a trial run at his job.

Mr Usher said: "Everything that I have - the furniture in the house - all has memories attached to it. It's time to shed the old, and in with the new.

"On the day it's all sold and settled, I intend to walk out of my front door with my wallet in one pocket and my passport in the other, nothing else at all.

"My current thoughts are to then head to the airport and ask at the flight desk where the next flight with an available seat goes to, and to get on that and see where life takes me from there."

Sudoku-playing jurors halt trial

craigmurray — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:01:49 +0100

A drugs trial has been abandoned in Australia after several jurors admitted they had spent much of their time playing Sudoku in the courtroom.

Judge Peter Zahra aborted proceedings after the jury forewoman admitted she and four others had been playing the popular puzzles to fight off boredom.

The problem was discovered when some of the jurors were observed writing notes vertically rather than horizontally.

Lawyers had presumed the scribbling they could see jurors doing was note-taking.

"We actually all thought they were quite a diligent jury," lawyer Robyn Hakelis told ABC local radio. "The judge had made many comments about what a good jury they were, how they were taking copious amounts of notes."

There is no legal action that can be taken against jurors for doing puzzles during a trial, so they will face no penalty for their behaviour.

Quantas: Gripe sheet

craigmurray — Fri, 23 May 2008 11:20:38 +0100

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, & then pilots re-review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots & the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P= The problem logged by the pilot.) (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.) ************************************************************************

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200′ per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative! in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft sternly warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

Lipstick Kisses

craigmurray — Wed, 14 May 2008 20:23:34 +0100

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently
was faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put
it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a
major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then, there are educators...

Hello Again

craigmurray — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 12:02:46 +0100

Wow, it seems like aaaagggges since I did one of these. A big hello to all the VIP's out there, I've not been around much with the holidays and everything, missed you all!

So Accelerate came out the other day, it's so good! The last time I loved an album so much was 2002, when I bought By the Way. It's just 35 mins long, but quality over quantity and all that :)

Also been listening to a lot of Pink Floyd recently, dunno why but I never really appreciated how good they were until now. In particular, the unedited version of Comfortably Numb from PULSE is brilliant, well worth a listen .

Well, that's all folks, hope everyone has a brilliant weekend :)

Thank You VIPs!!!!

craigmurray — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 21:34:44 +0000

Evening VIPs!

I'd just like to say a big thank you to everyone who left a shout for my VIPOTD. It was great to have a moment in the sun and I am going to reply to each and every one ASAP. Soz if I don't get around everyone 2day (trust me it's not likely that I will!) I'll get there in the end :)

Have a great evening everyone :-)

Aberdeen - Bayern Munich

craigmurray — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 10:43:24 +0000

Wow! Did last night really happen? Aberdeen drew with Bayern Munich and even took the lead TWICE! Sounds unlikely but it was on Sky Sports this morning so it must be true. It really was an incredible night, the atmosphere was absolutely unbelievable, probably the best since I started going to Pittodrie. Luckily enough I was at the Merkland Road end so saw both dons goals up close. Now all we need is a 3-3 draw in Munich, well you never know!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ70KrwzcK4

Hope everyone's valentine's day was just as good, (if somewhat more romantic!)

Supernatural Superserious

craigmurray — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 14:12:24 +0000

Hey, hope everyone's having a good day, just a quick one for all the REM fans out there. If you head over to http://remhq.com/news_story.php?id=665 the next single, Supernatural Superserious has been posted in it's entirety.

Exams!!

craigmurray — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 23:10:55 +0000

The end of another week, at last, hope everyones well. Exams start for me next week, so that'll be an exciting weekend's studying to look forward to!

Just been listening to an interview from Curits Davies from a little while ago. He was completely honest, which makes a change for pro footballers. Here's what he said after a 1-0 defeat to Leicester on his Villa debut. "I was just awful. I didn't contribute anything. I've been bigging myself up, saying I'm ready and obviously I'm not. I'm honest with myself in every performance and that was rubbish - I looked like a pub team player."

The whole interview can be found here

http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/sol/newsid_7220000/newsid_7222800/7222855.stm?bw=bb&mp=wm&news=1&bbcws=1

Voytek the Soldier Bear

craigmurray — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 17:12:46 +0000

So the weekends finally, here, hope everyone's enjoying themselves.

Just been reading about Voytek, or the Soldier Bear. His story is absolutely amazing, he was adopted by some Polish troops in the Middle-East, enlisted in the army and went on to see action at Monte Cassino. There's been a bit of debate about building a memoral to him in Scotland but, since he spent his final years here, I think it would be a fitting tribute to his incredible life. Here's the news story http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/south_of_scotland/7208505.stm and his wiki entry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voytek

Relaxing Sunday

craigmurray — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 20:49:29 +0000

So the weekends almost over, it was a good one. Just been sitting back and winding down whilst listening to Blood Sugar Sex Magik by the Chilis. I'd forgotten how much I love that album, it's brilliant! Anyone else had a similar experience recently?

Been listening to a bit of Tripdavon this weekend not bad at all. Heres the video for Lithia Breeze http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=RmodF-qtQsA

That's all for now, cheerio

REM Ninety Nights

craigmurray — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 22:56:25 +0000

Just back from football training and starting to thaw out a bit. Don't what it's like everywhere else but it's freezing up here. Fingers crossed, we might even get some snow this year!

REM have launched a new website to promote their now album, Accelerate, out on April 1. Each of the ninety nights until the launch, a new video is added and is available to download in HD for 1 day. For those of you who haven't seen it already here's a link http://www.ninetynights.com/ worth a look methinks.

First Blog!

craigmurray — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 20:45:07 +0000

I've never posted a blog before, so sorry if it's really, badly rubbish.

So finally got around to getting Guitar Hero 3. Wow. Absolutely love it. Anyone who hasn't bought it yet, hurry up. The music on it is fantastic, especially the songs by some of the more obscure bands.

Two bands in particular to check out are, Superbus a French Pop/Rock band and the Zaragoza rockers Heroes del Silencio. Both well worth a listen.

Well, that's all for now, bye.