capscar blog on Absolute Radio

IOW Festival Tickets

capscar — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 13:50:48 +0100

Due to family circumstances and work I now have 2 IOW 3 day camping tickets I am unable to use.

Ideally looking for face value but will accept any sensible offer.

I know does not leave people much tiime to organise.

I am in Rotherham this week but could arrange to meet and exchange tickets for cash.

Yes this is genuine and you will not believe how annoyed I am not to be going.

email me cpcollett@aol.com or leave a message here.

Chris

The Boss Tomorrow Arsenal

capscar — Thu, 29 May 2008 11:07:26 +0100

I may have a single spare ticket for the gig tomorrow. Awaiting confirmation that someone can either go or not.

I purchased 4 tickets and two are for friends in London thought there was a taker for the 4th ticket but commitments might mean they are unable to go.

If the ticket is free I will be selling it so if any VIP is interested let me know.

Selling for what I paid 47.50 + 4.75 charges from ticketmaster will bring the receipt to prove it is a legitimate ticket.

I know short notice and may not be able to give confirmation that it is avaailable until later.

Chris

3 Hookers

capscar — Wed, 21 May 2008 12:48:29 +0100

A generation of hookers were sitting around the kitchen table.

The granddaughter says "I got £50 last for giving a guy a BJ and swallowing"

The Mother said "In my day all we got was a £10"

The grandmother says "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs"

HOW TO MAKE LOVE

capscar — Wed, 21 May 2008 09:46:17 +0100

Ingredients:

4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana

Directions:

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat 4 steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:

1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.

confession

capscar — Wed, 21 May 2008 09:41:57 +0100

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned"

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?"(as he touched her hand)

Girl; "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?"(as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes; father."

Priest: "Like this? (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his "you know what "into my "you know where"

Priest: "Like this? (as he stuck his " you know what "into her "you know where")

Girl: "YES FATHER;YEES FATHER ;YEES FAAAATHER!!"

Priest:"(after a few minutes) That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch"

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!

Priest: "SHIT! THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!

Goalkeepers

capscar — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 07:14:09 +0100

Why do women make such good goalkeepers?

They let everything except for the balls in.

Vibrator

capscar — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:09:44 +0100

little old lady (like your grandmother) goes into a sex shop.

She appears to have a case of Parkinson's as she's shaking from head to toe.

"Young Man?" she asks the clerk,

"Do you sell vibrators?"

"Yes mam we do," he replies.

"Big fluorescent orange ones?"

"Yes mam we do."

"The type about 16 inches long?"

"Yes mam we do."

"The type that takes 8 D Cell batteries?"

"Yes mam we do."

Well, how the hell do you turn it off?!

chelsea vs arsenal

capscar — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:51:44 +0100

Black prostitute was such a big Chelsea fan that she decided to get two tattoos done.

On her left inside thigh she got Frank Lampard

On her right inside thigh she got John Terry.

One day at work an arsenal fan walked in wearing his arsenal shirt. The prostitute opens her gown and lies back on the bed and says

“if you can tell em who the tattoos are on my legs you can have me for free”

The arsenal fan stares hard at the tattoos and says “fuck knows who the tattoos on your legs are but the twat in the middle is Shaun Wright-philips”

Virgin Classic Rock

capscar — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:46:56 +0100

A big thanks to all of you out there who recommend VR Classic Rock as an alternate to VR. But alas have just discovered they only have a License to broadcast in London, and with radio streaming being blocked at work I will be unable to liste to either Russ or Leona.

Still for all of you VIPS out there who are able to listen I did request a song for you all

Garry Moore - Parisienne Walkways

Did request the live version one so if they do play the song I hope you will all appreciate it.

Why is it everything in the UK seems to be concentrated around London and the rest of the UK misses out. OK in some areas you have great local radio stations but for me that is NorthSound which I never listen too as it is not my taste (trying to be polite here)

Anyway all of you VIP Classic Rock listeners enjoy the station and let the rest of us know what we are missing out on.....LOL

Just When

capscar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 07:42:02 +0100

I thought Virgin could not get any worse I found myself listening to VR on my drive back to the hell hole known as work.

When on the radio I heard an ad for the OC show and I am afraid I found the humour offensive, referring to the guy who still works at Plimico Plumbing, who is 102, as an OLD DUFFER made me cringe. This guy needs more respect he has done a job he has enjoyed and should not be mocked by the likes of people who sit at a deak for a few hours a week playing music and talking about how great they are. When in reality they and their show sucks compared to the Russ and Jono breakfast show!!!

I also checked the details about the new DJ who won the OC competition and lo and behold she worked Enemol and had done stints with the Geoff show. No way did she win on merit and I feel sorry for all the local DJ's who never got the break.

OC your time on the breakfast show must come to an end as you are turning VR into some of those other Radio Stations which the DJS and the shows are all about them and their Posse and not the Music and listeners.

I can see my future radio listening in the morning moving from VR to dare I say it Radio1.

Christian please be man enough to offer an apology to Buster who must be the oldest working employee, possibly in the world but at least in the UK. I just hope you won't need their services or if you do I hope they charge you double or triple the normal cost.

Another Lousy Joke

capscar — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 09:13:14 +0100

3 women from New Orleans were sitting around on a lazy afternnon talking. Soon the Subject got round to sex

Mary "I call my man Randy"

Beth "Why do you call your man Randy?"

Mary "whenever he comes home he can't take his hands off me"

Lou "I call My Man horny"

Mary "Why do you call your man Horny"

Lou "well whenever we in the bedroom he has an erection"

Beth "I call my man Drambuie"

Mary and Lou look at each other puzzled

Lou "Ain't that some kind of fancy Liquor"

Beth "yep that my man"

Bring Back No Repeat Days

capscar — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 08:12:14 +0100

Has anyone noticed that Virgin Radio announces that it does not play Car Alarm music or have presenters which talk rubbish.

Well Saturday Morning and that is exactly what I heard, I was driving into town listening to VR with JK and Joel and my firsth thought was they have takjen their kids TV show and put it on the radio. Next they had their 80's mix which intially sounded like a car alarm going off.

Needless to say I switched VR off, which I am finding I am doing more and mroe of these days as gone are the days of not playing a song twice instead they get some new artist and overplay their song.

However there are some great tunes being played so will continue to listen while driving with just temporary pauses to the station. It great that they still play good classics from great artists like Queen.

But alas I don't think I have heard them play any modern Queen with Paul Rodgers as the new frontman. Or have I been unkucky enough not to have tuned in at the time.

BRING BACK THE NO REPEAT DAYS.

Sexual Harrasment - Yes Please :-)

capscar — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:22:54 +0100

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells
nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "Its Keith. The midget."

10 Dumb Celebrity Quotes

capscar — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 10:21:16 +0100

Victoria Beckham
"I dress sexily - but not in an obvious way. Sexy in a virginal way."

Jessica Simpson
"Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea."

David Hasselhoff
"I've got taste. It's inbred in me."

Alicia Silverstone
"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."

David Arquette
"I think God is a giant vibrator in the sky ... a pulsating force of incredible energy"

Brooke Shields
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

Arnold Schwarzenegger
"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman"

Britney Spears
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada"

Christina Aguilera
"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"

Paris Hilton
"What's Walmart, do they sell like wall stuff?"

Nine in the afternoon

capscar — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:38:19 +0100

If Panic in the disco have sold 2.2 million copies of thier album why is it that VR only plays one song.?

VR did this with Plain White T's which I reckon has now made them a MARMITE band you either love them or hate them as all you hear is Hey There Delilah.

Come on VR play other tracks off the album so people can see what they are missing and don't follow other radio stations of just playing the latest single.

I am tempted to buy the album due to the single but at the same time I am now beginning to get sick of hearing just the one song.

Maybe I am unlucky that I miss VR playing other tracks and hope someone can tell me I am wrong, I guess I will have to take a DAB radio to work so I can listen during the day as unable to listen to the mighty VR off the pc, my fellow geeks have blocked it.