Yorkie55 blog on Absolute Radio

Accidental Millionaires

Yorkie55 — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:28:00 +0100

Interpol are hunting a couple who disappeared after a bank paid £4.9m into their account by mistake. They had requested a £4,900 overdraft. Huan Di Zhang and Hui Gao owned a petrol on the north island of New Zealand. This has now closed down and gone into receivership. The police have recovered some of the money which had been 'inappropriately withdrawn'. The couple are believed to have fled the country!

Burger Pilgrimage Launched

Yorkie55 — Tue, 19 May 2009 10:59:00 +0100

I had to check that this wasn't an April Fool's joke, but it's not, the story was in Sky News on May 15th. The world's first 'Burger Pilgrimage' has been announced by Burger King. The pilgrimage takes in eight countries and 16 cities said to have played a part in the history of the humble burger. Pilgrims will follow the evolution of the burger from Medieval Times to today. The trip takes 35 days to complete. Up for it? Fine, that is if you've got £3,400 to spare! I'll be popping down to the local retail park to get mine, there's an offer on!

Ashes to Ashes

Yorkie55 — Tue, 19 May 2009 10:13:00 +0100

I love this show, a reminder of times gone by with the 80's fashion in clothes and hairstyles, cars and home decor. A true 'blast from the past'! Most of all I love the music, I'd forgotten how much really great music there was then. And of course there's the genial Gene to ogle at!

MP's Expenses

Yorkie55 — Thu, 14 May 2009 09:44:00 +0100

From www.thetelegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses After the news that MPs are taking advantage of the public here are some of the more ridiculous claims... An ice cube tray, £1.50; Elephant lamps £134.30; Horse manure,79p a bag: Chocolate Santa 59p; Foxes Ginger Crinkle Biscuits 67p; Jellied Eels, £1.31; Toilet seat (and fitting) £112.52; Moat Cleaning £2,115; Hedge Trimming round helipad £659; Lawn Mower overhaul, £658; Leather Rocking Chair £1200; Hanging Baskets, £600; Lightbulbs £135; 2 Kenyan Carpets, £200; Dog food £4.47; Toilet Roll Holder £35; Tea Lights £1.19; Trouser Press £119; Chauffeurs to jobcentre & Celtic Park £1400; Fluffy Duster 99p. Ever felt that someone was taking advantage? Oh, to be an MP!!

Twitter - Twits?

Yorkie55 — Sat, 09 May 2009 10:48:00 +0100

Jonathon Ross, according to Sky News, is the most followed person on 'Twitter'. I always thought he was a twit! The cool Stephen Fry was in 3rd place and believe it or not, Barack Obama was 17th! Coldplay get a mention.

Beatles

Yorkie55 — Thu, 07 May 2009 11:48:00 +0100

Someone asked me what my favourite Beatles song is......where do i start? I could be thinking about it for the rest of my life and not decide!

Old?

Yorkie55 — Wed, 06 May 2009 12:15:00 +0100

OK. I'm officially ancient, I've just discovered that the chart topping number one on my date of birth was Tony Bennett - Stranger in Paradise. In my mind I'm still in my twenties!

Amusing Ads

Yorkie55 — Sun, 03 May 2009 10:31:00 +0100

Two year old Bassett Hound for sale. Understands every word you say and ignores it........The King's Head, old coaching inn with views of the river, No Coaches......Wanted to buy, playpen, cot and highchair, also two single beds.......For sale four puppies, part German Shepherd part Alaskan Hussy......Illiterate? Write for free help to......For Sale - 2000 pound wench.....Antique card table for sale - no dealers......For sale - Toyota Hunchback £1200

Express yourself - with Accuracy!

Yorkie55 — Sun, 03 May 2009 09:45:00 +0100

Insurance claims - The car in front of me hit a pedestrian but he got up, so I hit him again.....I pulled into a layby when smoke came from under the hood. I then took my dog and smothered it with a blanket....I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight.......I was aware my dog was possessive about the car but I wouldn't have let her drive if I thought there was any risk.........An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished....I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.....The gentleman behind struck my backside, then he went to rest in a bush with just his rear showing........No witnesses would admit having seen the accident until after it had happened.

Letters to the council

Yorkie55 — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 12:28:00 +0000

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle quite badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

Their 18yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

The lavatory seat is broken. Where do I stand?

Can I have permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen?

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and unfit to drink.

The man next door has a large erection in his back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.

I am a single woman in a groundfloor flat. Would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife.

Insurance Claims?

Yorkie55 — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 12:30:00 +0000

Genuine answers from insurance claim forms....

Q. Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A. Gone by bus.

Q. What warning was given by you? A. Horn Q. What warning was given by the other party? A. Moo (He'd hit a cow!)

Q. Do you engage in any pastimes of a hazardous nature? A. I watch the Lottery and Terry Wogan.

I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.

The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up, so I hit him again.

I was thrown from the car by the impact. I later was found in a ditch by some stray cows.

I thought my window was down but realised it was up when I put my head through it.

He was all over the road. I had to serve a number of times before I finally hit him.

I saw a slow moving elderly gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

The pedestrian ran for the pavement but I got him.

Motoring Mexico style

Yorkie55 — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 12:31:00 +0000

A story from Reuters news agency, Mexico. To cut down on fatal road accidents the authorities have imposed hefty fines for putting on make up or shaving behind the wheel, throwing trash out of a car window and driving with an animal or other person on your knee! These are common misdemeanours!

Priorities?

Yorkie55 — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 11:15:00 +0000

On January 6th this year a California driver was found in his car which had crashed at 60mph into a tree. He had not been wearing a seatbelt and was badly injured. On the passenger seat next to him was a 12 pack of beer, firmly buckled in!!

Internet Addict?

Yorkie55 — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 11:02:00 +0000

A man was driving along a California when his car veered into the oncoming traffic. He died. His laptop was found in the car next to him. Police officers at the scene found the laptop still running. Accident investigators concluded that the man had been using it just before the crash. "Driving is not a time to practice your multi-tasking skills" remarked a spokesman.

You Know it's 2008 when........

Yorkie55 — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 11:08:00 +0000

1) You accidentally enter your password into the microwave.

2) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.

3) You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

4) You have a list of 15 numbers to reach your family of three.

5) Your main reason for not staying in touch with people is that they don't have an e-mail address.

6) You pull into your own drive and use your mobile to see if anyone's at home to help carry the shopping in.

7) Every advert on Tv shows the website address.

8) Leaving the house without your mobile phone (which you didn't have for the first 20 or 30 years of your life) is now a cause for panic and you go back to get it.

10) You get up in the morning and go on-line before you get your cuppa.

11) You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

12) You're reading this nodding and laughing.

13) Even worse, you know who you are going to forward this message to.

14) You're too busy to notice there's no number nine on this list.

15) You actually scroll back to check the number nine thing!!