V4mpire blog on Absolute Radio

Caledonian Canal Cruise Day 5

V4mpire — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 12:08:00 +0100

Wednesday 24th June 2009 Day 5 Again the bright sunshine through the cabin window wakes us early at around 7:30am. The ducks are around the boat already waiting for their few slices of bread. Lazed around for an hour or two the ducks are fed its time to set sail again. Slowly sailing up the canal the sun is too hot for me I am now burnt to look like a red pepper, same colour and funny shape. There was not much sailing done today as it was too hot and Im getting too lazy to even type my little blog. Arriving at Fort Augustus at around 4pm we take a walk through the town doing our bit for the tourist industry. Ahhh found a pub with seating outside, this indicates time for a beer before looking for somewhere to have an evening meal. After a nice relax in the beer garden it’s off over the road to McVeans for a meal. A lovely meal it was too, although we have been having some nice homemade foods on the boat in the day times it’s nice to have a meal ashore in the evening. After meal it’s a slow walk up past the five locks of Fort Augustus to the boat. A bit of a chat with the neighbours, they have sailed here from Ireland and have been attempting to get to Norway but the wind has been against them so they have decided to call it a day and start their return journey home to Ireland. 10pm Its bedtime Night Night

Caledonian Canal Cruise Day 4

V4mpire — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 11:59:00 +0100

Tuesday 23rd June 2009

Day 4

Cock a doodle do - 8am glorious sunshine wakes us so early - damn it’s a holiday - we don’t get up this early at home. A quick coco pops breakfast and set sail to the next pontoon at the Seven Heads Store where we can get some bacon etc.

Back on the water and have bacon toast. Tidy up the dishes and head further along the loch to Invergarry Castle Ruins pontoon for a little look around and take a photo or two. A short walk through the trees and you are at Glengarry Castle Hotel which is a very nice building with seating out in the garden overlooking the loch this seems a good place for a cup of tea. A brief look at the evening menu helps make a decision to book a table and return for an evening meal, table booked for 8pm its off again to the boat and cruise around for a bit.

Up the canal under Aberchalder swing bridge through Cullochy Lock and then the Kytra Lock and onto the pontoon at the top of Fort Augustus locks - the flight of five we pulled the boat through earlier in the week. A quick walk round the village to the supermarket and back to the boat as the Lock Keeper at Kytra said to be at him before 5pm to ensure getting back through and making it back to Glengarry Castle Hotel for evening meal. This was done in fine time (without speeding) giving time to get a shower and ready to go out and eat.

What a meal - was delicious each and all of the five courses and some fine malts too. A leisurely stroll back to the boat before sailing back down the avenue to moor at the Eagle and get a beer there. Only to discover the Eagle was closed early so off to bed it is.

Caledonian Canal Cruise Day 3

V4mpire — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 11:52:00 +0100

Monday 22nd June 2009

Day 3

OMG slept in till 10am missing the full Scottish breakfast ffs - Coco Pops it is then, off we go straight after breakie heading once again to the Moy Bridge through Gairlochy Locks and then moored at the pontoon where there are showers onshore. Grab towel soap shampoo conditioner and a couple of £1 coins as you have to pay for the use of some of these onshore showers, this one didn’t require the parting of any beer tokens, however after having my shower getting dressed I was soon to discover the bloody exit door that I had locked on the way in wouldn’t open and I was now imprisoned and could do nothing other than wait on someone passing and letting me out. Thankfully I was set free after only about ten minutes. Ready to be off again and we were then accompanied by two large Navy vessels, allowing them to enter the lock and then off we go onto Loch Lochy having lunch on the way through the loch.

As we had sped full steam ahead from Inverness to get to Fort William, the return trip is going to be done slowly and stopping at many places. Out the other end of Loch Lochy you sail into Ceann Loch which is very small and into the Laggan Locks, as one Lock has stopped being used the one still in use is a fair climb and the lock keeper throws you a couple of ropes which is great as this saves you making an arse of having to throw them up so high, through the lock and moored at the Laggan pontoon opposite The Eagle floating pub. A quick tidy up around the boat and off to the pub to sample their fine ales. The Eagle is an old Dutch barge converted to pub combined restaurant, it doesn’t look much on the outside but the inside is very impressive, the main feature being a coffee table made of a piece of 600 year old elm driftwood washed ashore loch Oich.

Knock Knock oh visitors, Uncle Jim and Manders aboard. Off we go for a short sail up the canal to loch Oich turning round half way up the loch as it’s getting late and back down the canal to Moore beside the pub again. Now to abuse the fact there is now a vehicle in our company and as I’m running low on fags milk and bread I think it’s a great Idea to drive the 20 miles to Inverness and get some supplies………………….. ok my estimate was a little wrong as we were more like 50 miles from Inverness, an hour later we arrive in Inverness and go to Jimmy Chungs for supper 10:30pm now and everything is closed still no fags milk or bread but have had a Jimmy Chung. Found a garage with said supplies and head back to the boat, feeling guilty now as Jim and Manders have a three hour drive ahead of them to get home, never the less as they are driving out the drive peeping horn I am climbing into bed Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Caledonian Canal Cruise Day 2

V4mpire — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 11:36:00 +0100

Sunday 21st June 2009

Day 2

Awake 8am – lovely sunny morning – just fine for some cocoa pops followed by bacon, egg, mushrooms and toast! Off to see the lock keeper to see what time we were getting through the locks….which was about 11.15. Fort Augustus has a flight of 5 locks – a scary thought as hire boats are not allowed to drive through these locks, we have to manually pull the boat through each lock – via ropes!! It was not as bad as we anticipated and we (and the other 5 or 6 boats in the convoy) soon became the subject of numerous camera shots and videos as the tourists had soon arrived at the attraction! The lock keeper gave us a tip to go into the lock last – and said we would soon understand why. Once in the first lock – we learned very quickly that the boats at the front of the lock were subject to the full force of the water entering the lock and they struggled to keep control of their boats!! Our boat however stayed pretty still  - thanks lock keeper!!

Onwards from Fort Augustus we headed down the narrow canal where the speed limit is just 6mph…so relaxing. Couple of locks to negotiate but by now, we were getting old hands ;-) We got chatting with some people on an old sailing boat – it was 97 years old, had once been used for cargo but was now the guys’ home…they had been part of a flotilla that had passed up the canal last Wednesday and were now making the return journey.

We then headed onto Loch Oich for 5 mile stretch but could speed up a bit here. At the far end of the Loch, we approached the swing bridge at the start of Laggan Avenue where we got told off for going too fast!! Oops! So a slower sail along the avenue before venturing onto Loch Lochy. This was a small loch but when we got to the end – just before heading into Gairlochy Locks – we met a massive cruise ship coming in the other direction. She was a lot bigger than us so we gave way LOL…how she made it down the narrow canal I will never know!!

Bit of a delay getting into Gairlochy Lock but it’s all cool – the boating people are a very friendly community and everyone steps in to help where they can, be it grabbing your rope to attach to the posts when mooring or just general advice., even a quick tour of another boat. We finally got into the lock – few tourists around taking photos and chatting – and then along the canal to Moy swing bridge – Moy swing bridge is a tiny little single track bridge and is in two halves, the bridge keeper having to manually wind in half and then into his little dingy to the other side and wind in the other half.

From Moy bridge it was then on down the canal to Banavie where we moored for the night. Had a walk into town and found a bar to eat at can’t remember the name of it but it was shite. The bonus to this walk was to see Neptunes Staircase a massive flight of seven locks climbing or dropping a great height over a very short distance. There was no need to walk this meal off as it was going to go straight down the loo. So on with the short walk back to the boat and off to bed.

Caledonian Canal Cruise Day 1

V4mpire — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 08:59:00 +0100

Saturday 20th June 2009

Day 1

12 o’clock arrived at the boat yard, Caley Cruisers of Inverness. Signed in at reception and received welcome pack. Were allocated vessel, unpacked all gear from van and loaded boat. 12:30 went to training session for safety briefing and a short tuition and insight video (very good) 1pm met a great guy Chris that took 3 crews on another boat the same as this one for a bit of hands on training, each skipper having a turn to carry out all the maneuvers shown.

2pm Chris abandoned us all to get our vessels organized ready for the 2:30pm departure.

2:30pm departed the boat yard to the first lock with Eddie onboard as we were the lead boat Eddie boarded and was to assist us through the first lock and was very informative on the way giving many useful tips along the short 45 minute sail to the first lock. Into the lock we go and again Eddie was very good in showing how to handle the ropes and then sling up at the lock side

3:30pm All is well and we are through the first lock ‘alone’ Eddie has jumped ship to get his lift back to the boat yard and continue with his days work

We are now on Loch Ness heading for Fort Augustus, Loch Ness is 23 miles long and the journey is to take 3- 4 hours. The cruise was excellent very gentle apart from one instance when passing a pleasure boat going in the opposite direction did we feel the wrath of his spoil.

The scenery I simply can’t put into words and will have to add some photos to this diary when I get home but in the meantime just believe me is awesome. You would think 3-4 hours cruising down Loch Ness would then become boring but NO I was not bored at any point of the 23 miles seeing many trees, trees, trees and more trees in many colours, green trees and green and green and more green trees, was beautiful to say the least.

7pm arriving at Fort Augustus and mooring up at the pontoon for the first nights B&B aboard. Parking up went well and a guy from the vessel in front was there and caught the rope and assisted it tying up the bow. Engine off and out to tie up the stern. Well done that must have been almost perfect, if I do say myself.

8pm its time to go and find some sustenance and this was to be got at ‘The Mooring’ alongside the canal just before the bridge. Meal was fine and very filling. A walk into Fort Augustus was to follow looking at the lock to be negotiated in the morning and onto the local supermarket to get some provisions for morning.

Returning back to the boat for the rest of the evening, ‘hello’ we have visitors mother duck and her four offspring must feed them some bread J good deed done for the day its back to the Baileys damn that was a quick bottle of Baileys.

This is it!

V4mpire — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 07:37:00 +0000

YES!!!!!!!!!!

Tony Hart

V4mpire — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 10:39:00 +0000

Awe how cool/sweet

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20090301/ten-morph-tribute-to-tv-presenter-hart-5a7c575.html

Awe :) (its quite long though)

V4mpire — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:33:00 +0000

He never leaves the seat up
Or wet towels upon the floor
The toothpaste has the lid on
And he always shuts the door!She’s very clean and tidy
Though she may sometimes delude
Leave your things out at your peril
In a second they’ll have moved!He’s a very active person
As are all his next of kin
Where as she likes lazy days
He’ll still drag her to the gym!He romances her and dines her
Home cooked dinners and the like
He even knows her favourite food
And spoils her day and night!She’s thoughtful when he looks at her
A smile upon his face
Will he look that good in 50 years
When his dentures aren’t in place?!He says he loves her figure
And her mental prowess too
But when gravity takes her over
Will she charm with her IQ?She says she loves his kindness
And his patience is a must
And of course she thinks he’s handsome
Which in her eyes is a plus!They’re both not wholly perfect
But who are we to judge
He can be pig headed
Where as she won’t even budge!All that said and done
They love the time they spent together
And I hope as I’m sure you do
That this fine day will last forever.He’ll be more than just her husband
He’ll also be her friend
And she’ll be more than just his wife
She’s be his soul mate ‘till the end.

Hammersmith Apollo

V4mpire — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 10:34:00 +0000

Lastnight at the Apollo - Sharleen Spiteri

Was fantasticshow if only for 90 minutes

SOTALLY TOBER

V4mpire — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 16:29:00 +0000

Starkle starkle little twink

who the hell you are I think

I'm not under what you call

the alcofluence of incohol

I'm just a little slort of sheep

I'm not drunk like tinkle peep

I don't know who is me yet

but the drunker I stand here

the longer I get

Just give me one more drink

to fill me cup

'cuz I got all day sober

to Sunday up.

If it were really a mans world.........

V4mpire — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 15:44:00 +0000

1.   Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a "Cheers
for the sex - now f**k off" would pretty much do it.
2.   Birth control would come in beer.
3.   Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur
in leap years.
4.   On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5.   Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6.   Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7.   Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
8.   Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year
9.   Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes
out of play.
11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable
response to "I love you."
12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse
for absence and/or poor time keeping.
14. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the "public
ugliness" ordinance.
15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again ?" cards.
16. Beer would have the same effect as Viagra.
17. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would
work every time.
18. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would
be fined.
19. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in
strippers and $2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.
20. Saying "Lets have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to your
wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!!"
21. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
22. Everyone would have a real Light Sabre and any disagreements would be
settled by a fight to the death.
23. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the
opposite sex.
24. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to
slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.

An Irishman named O'Malley

V4mpire — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 12:54:00 +0000

An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live." O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O'Malley

said, "Well son... we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go

so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's

old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"

O'Malley said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."

its only funny if you laugh

V4mpire — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:43:00 +0000

With Barack Obama being elected as the next US president and Lewis Hamilton winning the F1 world championship it seems that there has never been a cooler time to be a black man.......

I bet Michael Jackson is fu@@@ng kicking himself now

Jonathan Ross

V4mpire — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 01:40:00 +0000

Dear Jonathan Ross, I've sha**ed your daughter!! Who is laughing now........

Lots of love

Gary Glitter

4 More Sleeps...

V4mpire — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:11:00 +0000

Anyone else going to see Bryan Adams this weekend??