Great Song

Tinkerbell4 — Wed, 21 May 2008 16:14:56 +0100

I know I always harp on when I hear U2 being played but they are simply brill - what a tune!!!!! I wish they would play more though.

THE SQUIRREL STORY

Tinkerbell4 — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:51:26 +0100

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END...but read on...

THE UK VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well
fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed, and he is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.
The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned Because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house.
He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for Grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.
The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END.....

Welsh Humour

Tinkerbell4 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:13:07 +0100

Subject: Welsh humour

The Welsh film industry is to receive funding to step up production.
They are going to remake many well known films, but this time with a
Welsh flavour.
Amongst those being considered for re-make are:
9½ Leeks
Trefforest Gump

Cwmando
The Lost Boyos
An American Werewolf in Powys
Huw Dares Gwyneth
  Dai Hard
The Wizard of Oswestry
Sheepless in Seattle
  The Eagle has Llandudno
  The Magnificent Severn
  Haverfordwest Was Won
  Austin Powys
  The Magic Rhonddabout
  Independence Dai
  The Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch That
Time Forgot
  Seven Brides from Seven Sisters
  Welsh Connection
  Welsh Connection II
  The Bridge on the River Wye
Lawrence of Llandybie
  The Welsh Patient
Breakfast at Taffynys
  Evans Can Wait
  A Fishguard Called Rhondda
  Where Eagles Aberdare
  Dial M For Merthyr

THANKS VIPOTD SHOUTS

Tinkerbell4 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:01:41 +0100

Thank you for all my VIPodt shouts for yesterday. Only just realised so I will reply to you all when I get chance. Wishing you all a lovely day xxxxxxx

Tinkerbell4 blog on Absolute Radio

Great Song

THE SQUIRREL STORY

Welsh Humour

THANKS VIPOTD SHOUTS