MrMojo blog on Absolute Radio

Personalised Number Plates..

MrMojo — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 09:34:00 +0100

are you Pro or Anti?

you know like COM1C owned by a comedian, I always think it's smugness on the owners part, but I do know someone who believes his motor is less likely to get stolen because of the plate, he's had a couple taken in the past

something a little different...

MrMojo — Sun, 31 May 2009 09:09:00 +0100

After watching the Cup Final yesterday, well done Chelsea, hard luck Everton (my money was on the Toffees). spent rest of the evening in an Irish bar, where I heard this girl sing for the 1st time, voice of an angel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogxvtEbf-u4

Sit Vac code SORTED

MrMojo — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 17:28:00 +0100

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
Most of our competitors don't pay much either.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
You'll be here very late, very often -- might as well be comfortable.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Did we mention that you'll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless.

"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive's nephew.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
Due to consolidation, you'll be replacing three people.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
This company is a total mess.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Listen to management, figure out what they want, don't ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

Wishing Well

MrMojo — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 17:36:00 +0100

Easter Blog, I read with interest

MrMojo — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 17:45:00 +0100

daringtexan's blog..........

http://www.absoluteradio.co.uk/vip/profile/daringtexan/blog/111801/Easter_Time_Again_.html

so which did come first?

The chicken

Don't Ruin Easter, .... Slow Down

MrMojo — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 09:08:00 +0100

oh well I tried :)

Never, Ever, EVER!!!

MrMojo — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 18:25:00 +0100

SHOUT " Hurrah!!! Nearly Monday ".

'Scythe Talking'

MrMojo — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:49:00 +0000

Dragons Den or Genius (Pat Pending)

MrMojo — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 09:47:00 +0000

School Trip to the Races

MrMojo — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:07:00 +0000

A group of primary school boys went on a trip to the Cheltenham Races to learn about thoroughbred horses, accompanied by their female teacher.

Some of the boys wanted to go to the toilet, so the teacher waited outside.

One of the young boys came back out and said that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside to help them and began hoisting the boys up, directing the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in year four?"

"No madam," he replied, "I'm riding Red Fury in the 3.30"

Feel Free to Add to This List

MrMojo — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 09:51:00 +0000

10 THINGS YOU CAN'T SAY WHEN DRUNK

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Donner kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.

5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.

7. I'm not interested in fighting you.

8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!

9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.

10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning

Please.........

MrMojo — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 09:17:00 +0000

read & sign daringtexan's petition @

http://www.absoluteradio.co.uk/vip/profile/daringtexan/

thanks

Wisdom of the Wise One

MrMojo — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 19:39:00 +0000

In ancient Greece(469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd likeyou to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary ..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued." You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really ..."

"Well," concluded Socrates , "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his wife.

Why Men Don't Write "Agony" Column's

MrMojo — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 09:22:00 +0000

Dear Neville,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him any more.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Neville

INDIANS !!!

MrMojo — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 09:53:00 +0000

An army fort in the wild west is about to be attacked by renegades.the captain sends for his trustiest indian scout.

"Use all your tracking skills to estimate the sort of war party we are up against,"orders the captain.

The scout lays down and puts his ear to the ground,"big war party,"he says."one hundred braves in warpaint.two chiefs,one on a black horse,one on a white horse.also a medicine man with a limp."

"Good heavens!"says the captain,"you can tell all that just by listening to the ground?"

"No, sir,"replies the scout."I'm looking under the gate!!"