HelenMW blog on Absolute Radio

Thank you!

HelenMW — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 16:30:37 +0000

Firstly, thank you to Kaz for blogging it and secondly thank you to everyone who came to my page to wish me a happy birthday.

I'm currently in Ireland nursing a hangover after my party last night so I won't thank you all individually cos the jarring of my fingers on the keyboard is making me feel nauseous.....lol!

I'll catch up with you all when I'm feeling a bit perkier

Quotes - some wise, some funny

HelenMW — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:31:15 +0100

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement - Mark Twain

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint - Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe - Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat - Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying - Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery - Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP - Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap - Bob Hope

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress - Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you - Winston Churchill

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere - Billy Crystal

Does anyone else........

HelenMW — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:19:48 +0100

.......think that Russ Williams looks like Julian Clary in the pic shown at the top of this page when he's on air?

Here's a pic of Julian for those of you who don't know who he is.......

I'm walking on sunshine!!

HelenMW — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:41:32 +0100

Well, it's been a long hard summer but my man finally did what I've been wishing for for two long years now and retook the motoGP world championship - WOOHOO!!

It was totally worth getting up at 5.30 this morning to watch him clinch the title and win the race live from Japan

Valentino Rossi - best rider EVER!!!!

Me so happy I just had to share!! :-D

VR's loss is YC's gain.....missing me already?...LOL

HelenMW — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 12:05:17 +0100

Fellow Vipers, as those of you who've been around a while will know, I don't spend much time on here these days.

I used to be on here for at least a couple of hours every day and it was all good fun but things have changed and I feel it's time to move on....

The main reason for this is not that we have lost so many good people since the beginning of the year thanks to bitter infighting, but that is a factor.

Neither is it because the site is so blooming slow and dysfunctional sometimes that it would try the patience of a saint, but again this is a factor.

Nor is it because now that I am working full-time again I just haven't got the time, which is a very big factor.

No the main reason I'm going is because this site just isn't as good as it used to be.......LOL! Watch Vipers all over the world explode!!

No, no, I'm joking, I just couldn't resist saying that....

hehehe......

Actually I'm going because of all three serious reason plus the fact that these days when I do manage to find some time to surf I invariably find myself on Valentino Rossi's fanclub forum - the yellow community. It's a forum in the true sense of the word and offers all the functionality of a forum unlike this place, which works okay but lacks a lot, as we've pointed out again and again.

So, fellow Vipers, it's been great, I've met some wonderful people on here and made some great friends, and I'll miss you all.

I will drop by occasionally as the mood takes me but I am really only keeping my account open so that I can enter competitions so please consider me gone.

Bye bye kiddies, be good......

Sunburn!

HelenMW — Sun, 25 May 2008 20:34:24 +0100

I spent most of last week wondering what the weather would be like this weekend, so I was delighted to find the sun shining in my part of the world this afternoon......

Problem is, I decided it would be a nice day to go for a ride on my bike (pedal) so off I went 'sans' suntan lotion and guess what......

Yep, now I'm burnt, and to make it worse, I was wearing riding gloves so I have red arms and white hands, and yes it looks as bad as it sounds!!!

Anyone else do something stupid?

I'm really confused.....

HelenMW — Mon, 19 May 2008 12:55:59 +0100

Okay, I know that there has been a lot of stuff said here about Sandra Morgan and I really don't want to stoke up any fires but my brain is going into a cramp trying to work this out.

Did MG and V4mpire really never meet till last weekend??? I find that very difficult to believe, I thought they had been going out for months and months and I thought that they had met at a nightclub.

Can someone enlighten me please?

A sad day for me

HelenMW — Fri, 16 May 2008 08:48:25 +0100

What can I say, I'm devastated, last night Ireland lost one its best and favourite riders in a practice session for the NW200 road race.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/motorbikes/7403931.stm

I had been watching the earlier sessions on the BBC website but switched off just before this happened, so I woke up this morning full of the joys, really looking forward to the race day tomorrow.

Now, I'm just gutted......

Tips for the ladies!

HelenMW — Mon, 12 May 2008 09:21:38 +0100

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny.

9. When life gives you lemons in 2008 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

10. Remember every good looking; sweet, single male is someone else's ex-boyfriend!

Birthday wishes

HelenMW — Fri, 09 May 2008 09:01:52 +0100

Dear all,

Please don't forget to wish ellie_elaine a happy birthday today

You can visit her page by using this link http://www.absoluteradio.co.uk/vip/profile/ellie_elaine/

She's also having a fancy dress party tonight so why don't you drop by if you're in the neighbourhood.

Hump Day Joke

HelenMW — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:32:53 +0100

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. 'I'm too young to die,' she wails. Then she yells, 'Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt... one button at a time. .......No one moves. .......He removes his shirt. ......Muscles ripple across his chest. ......

She gasps... ......He whispers... 'Iron this, and get me something to eat...'

Joke, with apologies to all blondes out there....

HelenMW — Tue, 06 May 2008 10:03:08 +0100

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

"Helllooooo! !" (I told him). "It's been a year!"

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up...he hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won't underestimate my intelligence again.

When insults had class!

HelenMW — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 09:03:31 +0100

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill (about Attlee)

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill (about Attlee)

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
-- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
-- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

Madness!!

HelenMW — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 09:05:23 +0100

Good morning Vipers!

Just thought I'd tell the world that I've finally managed to find a band that both me and my hubby want to go to see!

Yes, it's the nutty boys, and we got our tickets on Saturday - Woohoo!

Are any of you lot going too?

The North wind doth blow.....

HelenMW — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 09:53:05 +0100

...and we shall have snow! Woohoo!

We've had about 4 inches on the cars equating to 2 on the ground in this part of London.

The neighbour's kids woke us up building their snowman this morning - little blighters!

How much snow have you had in your part of the world?