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(148 views)Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
(149 views)The other day, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the £10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a £20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the £20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a £50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again. My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's egging me on to try to top the £50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? Then the marketer in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the £80, and went home . . .
(197 views)at 19:12 GMT tomorrow the Sun reaches 0 degrees Cancer (and also has reached the Tropic of Cancer) This is its most Northerly apparant travel. For those in the Northern Hemisphere, this produce a Sun which is high in the sky and the longest day of sunlight. In terms of travel Northwards, the Sun now appears to stand still for around three days, and then begins to get lower in the sky as each day passes. Indeed the word Solstice comes from the Latin for the 'Sun stands still'.
For the Southern hemisphere the reverse is true - The Sun is as far away as it gets in terms of latitude and the Sun is consequently low in the sky. This will give the shortest hours of daylight.
Summer Solistice is noted for being the longest day and shortest night of the year. It is also known as Midsummer Nights Celebration, though the two do not always coincide on the calendar. This holiday represents the Sun King in all his glory.
It is also the night when Puck and Pan and all other fairies and elves are out and about, offering an excellent opportunity to commune with field and forest sprites and faeries.
The day night of Summer Solstice is filled with great power and magic. This is a wonderful time to hold rituals that luxuriate in the season when life is easiest and there are so many hours of daylight that we can accomplish all of our tasks with time reserved for having fun and relaxing. Plus it is a great time to for business needs or a situation where the power of male energy is needed. Summer Solstice is a time to travel and hold great celebrations of passion and success, to sleep and cook eat outdoors. We journey to visit one another and call all the tribes of pagan folk to come and make merry together. Sunflowers or any other flower of red and maize yellow or gold are great altar decorations. A wreath can be made for your door with red feathers (for sexuality) and yellow feathers (for prosperity) intertwined or braided with ivy. Altar candles should be gold and red. Money tree plants can be harvested and strung above the mantle for monetary wealth, or tied in a bunch with green ribbon, provided there has been an early planting season. If not wait until mid-July for harvest.
Sources of information include (1)"Power of the Witch" By Laurie Cabot and
(2)"To Ride A Silver Broomstick" By Silver RavenWolf
(203 views)Have you ever noticed how there are some people around who just have this great sex-appeal, that special something, the Je ne sais quoi? They don't necessarily have to be all that beautiful to be attractive to others, although it does help.
The people we tend to admire and are the easiest to pin-point and talk about as drop-dead-gorgeous are of course movie stars, musicians etc. Because they are famous, we all get to feel their sex-appeal, whether in a movie, magazines, video clips etc.
Besides the guy pictured on my Avatar who in my opinion is just pure sex on legs, there have been many others that have tickled my fancy. Not necessarily as their own self, although some of them are absolutely beautiful in real life too, some not so.
Most of these I adore probably more because of the way they've portrayed their characters and I will start with gorgeous Marlon Brando as Stanley Kowalski in the Streetcar named Desire
.......ach!
Next one on my list is Paul Newman as Brick in Cat On a Hot Tin Roof
Al Pacino in Godfather (especially the Sicily part for some reason, don't ask me why, I wouldn't know)
Clint Eastwood, not so attractive in real life but oh, so hot! in The Bridges of Madison County
Brad Pitt in Legends Of The Fall (sigh!)
Anthony Hopkins in The Edge, the quiet man appeal
Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting
Edward Burns in 15 minutes (yum! gotta love Jordy)
Ethan Hawke in Before Sunrise (and Sunset, ach!)
and last but definitely not least, James McAvoy in Shameless
.........................aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!
so who's yours??
(159 views)I spoke about my little daughter's love of animals in one of my previous blogs already. My kids school had a 'Save the planet' week and yesterday they had some visitors
quality is poor as these have been printed off on normal A4 paper for them by their teacher and I scanned them.
don't quite know what this one is:
a giant centipede (no sweat)
....and a stick insect
and finaly my son's (notice how hers are realy neat, whereas his came back like this (no amount of editing helped)
(165 views)I love Virgin Radio because I was just sitting on my balcony, feeling extreemely sorry for myself :)
I've been through a week and a half of really really REALLY bad pms, hot-flushes and a very short fuse included), boy am I glad it's weekend!!!
I've been grocery shopping, it's very hot an fumid here, everybody's gone out and the ice cream has started melting away already when this song came on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk58p1jeCCA
you girls will know what I mean lol
and just as I was starting to be disapointed because it was nearly over..................
...................this comes on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LD5sahXoj0U
is this some kind of a 'let's guess Francesca's mood day' on the radio?
Can't wait to hear what's next
My mood is lifting already. Have a great weekend everybody!!
Gotta go, the ice-cream is still sitting on my kitchen floor.
(153 views)Some people have asked the question already a few times on this site. What music really tics you, gets you going, gets you to pour your emotions out, makes you feel your soul, 'let it all hang out" - whatever.
This is going to sound so old and old fashioned of me so don't laugh.
I thought about it for a while and I think I'm quite sure what mine is. If I want to empty my lungs out singing and crying and dancing and laughing and everything at the same time it would be listening to old folk songs from my old place - the Balkans.
Balkans have always been kind of a wild nest, full of tribes fighting each other for land and love. There's an old folk song talking about this tribe called 'Azra' describing them as people who loose their heads for love and die when they love. Very passionate stuff.
Many wars have been fought in the Balkans. WW1 was ignited by our very own Gavrilo Princip who assasinated that Austrian duke in Sarajevo. The Balkans is the place between the East and West.
The old folk songs reflect those turbulent times, are full of emotion and passion. Most of them are love songs. There are many different versions of these songs sung by as you can imagine numerous artists.
For me personally one group stands out and listening to their music, even though I don't even understand some of the lyrics, the songs still move me to tears (especially after a few) are a Macedonian jazz fusion / rock group called 'Leb i Sol'
Leb i Sol mean bread and salt an ancient Balkan symbol of hospitality.
This is their rendition of an old Bulgarian / Macedonian folk song 'Jovano Jovanke' (Jovana is a Macedonian / Bulgarian female name).
All of their performances are very jazzed-up and go on for a long time (as you will see), but it's the tunes that keep the audience going. Once you start feeling the tune, you don't mind it going on for what will definitely seem too long to many of you.
Let me know what you think
(255 views)This one comes from my good Irish friend and neighbour Bridget. She is an amazing energetic woman, full of life, laughter and good old common sense. She also likes to tell it like it is, out loud. In any situation no matter who she is talking to.
She's off to Spain today and I went upstairs to say bon voyage and all that last night. A few drinks later another neighbour popped up, we were all chatting about something or the other. Conversation was getting livelier by the minute.
This other neighbour is an even more energetic Kiwi, she is not afraid to muck in and is a master DIY-er, gardener, voluntary secretary at her sons rugby club,...always on the go.
I can't recall exactly what the two of them were talking about prior to Bridget saying (but you have to imagine this with Irish accent):
"IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING JUST F.......G DO IT. BUT DON'T DO IT AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT IT"
Simple but true! I know quite a few people who complain constantly about this that and the other and now I know exactly what to say to them next time I hear them moaning lol.
Well it's Friday today and it's June, the other half of the year is starting, the month of the summer solstice. I am not going into the office until 11, weather seems to be on the up (I hope!!), weekend is nearly here!!!
Happy Friday folks
(216 views) 1) The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it 2) The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night. ! 3) A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. 4) The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. 5) A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear. 6) Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants. 7) Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand. 8) Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump". 9) If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white. 10) Women blink nearly twice as much as men. 11) Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do. 12) The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the english language. 13) TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters only one row of the keyboard. 14) A snail can sleep for 3 years. 15) China has more English speakers than the United States. 16) The electric chair was invented by a dentist. 17) "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. 18) Cats have over 100 vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10. 19)