Blog
(144 views)What is the difference between single women and married women?
Single women go home, see what's in the fridge then go to bed.
Married women go home, see what's in the bed then go to the fridge!
(108 views)Our Beer
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
thy will be drunk
I will be drunk
At home as it is in the local
Forgive us this day our daily spillage
As we forgive those that spillest against us
And lead us not into the poncey practise of wine tasting
And deliver us from alco-pops
For mine is the bitter
The ale and the lager
For ever and ever
Barmen.
(125 views)Need a favour! im down in the police station, they've charged me with being the ugliest and badist looking fucker in england, Can u come down and show them they've made a mistake.
(134 views)A bolke goes to see his doctor for a check-up. During the examination the doctor notices the bloke's yellow penis. The doctors asks him a few questions. 'Do you work with chemicals young man?.
'No,' replies the bloke 'i'm unemployed.'
'well do you smoke?' asks the doctor.
'No, i don't smoke,' says the bloke.
by now the doctor is a bit perplexed.
'but how did you get a yellow penis, then?'
'i dunno,' replies the man. 'i just sit at home all day, watching porno videos and eating cheesy puffs.
(118 views)An intelligent women, an intelligent bloke and the tooth fairy were walking down the road one day when they looked down and noticed a £5 note on the pavement. Which one picked the £5 note up?
The intelligent women of course..... the other two don't exist!
(112 views)A nun walks onto a bus, which is empty except fro the driver. The nun says to the driver: i'm going to die soon but i want three wishes fulfilled before i do. Firstly, i want to have sex , but i must die a virgin, so the sex has to anal. Secondly, i cannot commit adultery, so the bloke i sleep with has to be single. Finally, the bloke has to be a stranger to me and must not tell anyonr else.
The nun then asks the bus driver if the thinks he's up to fulfilling the wishes.
The bus driver readily agrees and takes the nun upstairs, promptly fulfilling the first wish, but afterwards he feels guilty and says to the nun: 'i'm afraid i've lied to you, i am in fact married with three children.'
The nun replies:'That's ok, i've lied too. my mane's Kevin and i'm off to a fancy dress party!'
(79 views)A woman goes into a shop to buy a wedding dres - for her fourth wedding. She chooses a traditional white dress, which surprises the sales assistant.
'oh but im still a virgin,' the women replies.
'how can that be,' says the sales assistant, 'if this is to be your fourth wedding.'
'My first husband was a psychologist he just wanted to talk about it; my second husband was a gynaecologist he just wanted to look at it; my third husband was a stamp collector......
God i loved him!.
(100 views)A bloke goes in to a supermarket and buys a tube of toothpaste, a bottle of pepsi, a bag of tortilla chips and a frozen pizza. The cute girl at the register looks at him and says: 'single huh? sarcastically the bloke sneers: 'How'd you guess?' she repiles 'because your ugly.'
(77 views)Micheal Barrymore was asked if he'll be doing panto this year. He said i don't think so, as he done Alladin 6 years ago and hasn't heard the last of it
(90 views)A Man is arrested for shoplifting. In the courtroom, the judge asks: What did you steal?' A can of peaches, he repiles. The judge asks him why he stole the peaches, and he explains that he was hungry. Next the judge asks how mant peaches were in the can. The man says six. so the judge replies: i'll give you six days in jail, one for each peach.' Just then, the man's wife asks if she can speak. The judge agrees and the wife says: 'He also stole a can of peas.