Dominatrix blog on Absolute Radio

And for my next trick....(contains nudity!)

Dominatrix — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 19:43:00 +0100

I've heard of pulling a rabbit from a hat, but a hanky from a tw...oh well....you'll see....LOL!

http://www.wat.tv/video/gala-jpr-2006-ursula-martinez-cqf9_co29_.html

well done me!

Dominatrix — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 09:06:00 +0100

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1920s, 30s , 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s!! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses full of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese & tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took cadging lifts.As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. A trip to the coast on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the stream and NOT from a bottle. Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Kebabs. Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and only opened for a few hours at weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death! We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner shop and buy fruit Spangles and some bangers to blow up frogs with. We ate buns, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.No mobile phones & no one was able to reach us all day. And we were always O.K. We would spend hours building our trolleys out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in streams with matchbox cars. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on Sky, no video tape or DVD movies, no surround sound,no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents Only girls had pierced ears! we ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross buns at Easter time........no really! We had air guns and catapults for our birthdays, We drank milk laced with Strontium 90 from cows that had eaten grass covered in nuclear fallout from the atomic testing. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them from the street! Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet! Mum & dad didn't need Brandy, Whisky whatever when they came in from work! Footy had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Our teachers used to belt us with big sticks and leather straps and bulliesalways ruled the playground at school. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.They actually sided with the law! Our parents got married before they had children and didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kylie' and 'Blade' This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!The past 70 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learnedHOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

Kinky!

Dominatrix — Wed, 13 May 2009 09:00:00 +0100

I know it's rather old but there's always someone who hasn't seen it.... lol

This is why you need a trained Dominatrix...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTrOb8zyrZk

Old Age....

Dominatrix — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:21:00 +0100

Isn't it a bugger?

These days, whenever someone asks me to "Get me tits out for the lads", it requires lifting me skirt!

I'm not saying sweathog's thick, BUT!

Dominatrix — Thu, 07 May 2009 21:05:00 +0100

She only thought "Fanny by Gaslight" was a new perfume...Someone sort her out please :o)

I've just had a right do wi' me neighbour!

Dominatrix — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:05:00 +0100

She came round here shouting her mouth off saying I've been telling everyone in't' village that her husband's got a big mole on his cock.....I told her "I've never said he HAD a mole on his dick...I said it FELT like he had a mole on his dick!" Silly cow!

pmsl

Jack the Ripper 'was invented to win newspaper war'

Dominatrix — Fri, 01 May 2009 14:39:00 +0100

Jack the Ripper was a forgery invented by journalists to link a series of unrelated murders and sell newspapers, according to a new book.

The unsolved murders of five prostitutes in London's East End in 1888 have spawned innumerable theories over the identity of the 'real' Jack the Ripper - with candidates including artist Walter Sickert, Alice In Wonderland author Lewis Carroll and even Queen Victoria's grandson the Duke of Clarence.

But now historian Dr Andrew Cook claims to have blown all these theories out of the water by dismissing the notion of a brutal, murderous spree by one 'serial killer' altogether.

In his book Jack The Ripper: Case Closed, he argues that the famous letter bragging about the killings - signed 'Jack the Ripper' in the first-ever use of that name - was actually forged by journalists desperate to sell their newspaper.

Dr Cook says streetwalkers Mary Nichols, Catherine Eddowes, Mary Kelly, Elizabeth Stride and Annie Chapman were killed by different men, as were the six other Whitechapel victims often added to the Ripper's toll.

He takes his evidence from police and medical experts at the time who expressed doubts about the single killer theory even as it began to take hold on the public imagination.

The senior Whitechapel policeman at the time of the killings admitted in his retirement speech that he did not believe Mary Kelly was killed by 'Jack the Ripper', Dr Cook points out.

The assistant police surgeon who examined all five victims, Percy Clark, told the East London Observer in 1910: 'I think perhaps one man was responsible for three of them. I would not like to say he did the others.'

However, comments like this were a drop in an ocean as the myth of the lone rogue killer took hold of the Victorian imagination.

Dr Cook shows that the newly-launched Star newspaper was the first to claim that one man was behind three of the 1888 killings.

Even though most experts today agree that two of these - Emma Smith and Martha Tabram - were not carried out by the same man, the Star's prurient accounts of the on-going murders massively boosted its circulation.

The Star only unveiled the notorious letter from 'Jack the Ripper' in the midst of a drastic fall in sales after the exoneration of a bootmaker it had identified as a key suspect.

Handwriting expert Elaine Quigley, recruited by Dr Cook to examine the letter, has identified it as the work of Star journalist Frederick Best.

But the public was convinced, Dr Cook says - and the concept of a lone rogue killer on the loose in the East End backstreets may have helped the real culprits literally get away with murder.

Men - Add a bit of sparkle to your life....

Dominatrix — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 10:01:00 +0100

All I can say is....what a load of bollocks!

http://www.crapville.com/videos/ball_sparkles_infomercial.htm

good news (hopefully!)

Dominatrix — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 09:47:00 +0100

Well, we went to the solicitors yesterday regarding our kinship care case and it seems we have a strong claim! (we were warned to dig in for a lengthy battle as the local council don't back down easily...surprise surprise!).

Keep yer fingers crossed for us will yaz?

Contagious!

Dominatrix — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:59:00 +0100

A Teacher asked her class of seven year olds if anyone could explain the meaning of the word contagious. Little Shannon put her hand in the air and says "When I was five I had chickenpox and had to stay at home because the doctor told my mother chickenpox was contagious." The teacher replied "Yes Shannon that is a very good example well done." Then young Seamus put his hand in the air and said "My next door neighbor was painting the outside of her house with a 2 inch paintbrush and my dad said that it will take the contagious!"

Dye explodes in man's pants

Dominatrix — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 11:44:00 +0100

Last Thursday, a man walked into the Wachovia Bank in the 2700 block of Smith and reportedly told the teller he had a gun and ordered her to give him money. Fearing for her life, the teller gave the man some cash bundles with exploding dye packs in them. The suspect stuffed the money down his pants and ran out of the bank.

Police arrested Daniel Duran a short time later, after the dye packs exploded while still allegedly down his pants. Duran was taken to an area hospital with second degree burns to his genital area. No weapon was found.

I wonder what they mean when they say "no weapon was found"...... lol

DISGRACEFUL!

Dominatrix — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:29:00 +0100

I found out today that my mate's grandma was in a porno film, I dont know what disgusted me more, the fact she made it or the fact he carried on w@nking after he recognised her....pmsl!

Man jailed for spraying urine and faeces on food in UK

Dominatrix — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 09:51:00 +0100

An unemployed chemist was jailed Tuesday for spraying a mix of urine and feces on food, wine and children's books in several British stores. Sahnoun Daifallah was sentenced to nine years in prison after being found guilty of four counts of contaminating goods.

The 42-year-old Algerian carried a mix of his waste in a container of weed killer concealed in a laptop bag, a court found. Using the nozzle, which poked out of the bag, Daifallah was able to spray large areas, leaving a powerful stench and causing tens of thousands of pounds (dollars) worth of damage.

Daifallah's first target was The Air Balloon pub and restaurant near the south England town of Cheltenham, which he visited around lunchtime on May 14. Kate Rochead, on duty that day, told The Associated Press she didn't know exactly what area he sprayed.

"All we know was that it was a horrendous smell that was left behind," she said.

Daifallah next visited a bookstore in neighboring Cirencester, dousing hundreds of books - most of them in the children's section.

Two days later he struck in the nearby suburban area of Quedgeley, where a customer spotting him squirting the frozen french fries at a supermarket. Daifallah then drove four miles (six kilometers) to another supermarket, where an employee in the wine section noticed him acting suspiciously and reported an overpowering stench. Both supermarkets were closed for two days for cleaning. Shoppers reported suffering from rashes and nausea.

Local police said the products weren't handled by customers, but Morrisons, one of the supermarkets targeted, said a small number of goods were returned as a precautionary measure. Tesco, the other supermarket hit by Daifallah, declined comment.

Police were able to identify Daifallah using security camera footage. When they raided his home, they found a stockpile of the substance and plans to spread it. Plastic bags containing excrement were marked with the names of cities on them.

Daifallah represented himself at Bristol Crown Court, where he pleaded not guilty.

Judge Carol Hagen said Britain's security agencies had labeled him a high risk to public safety. Authorities have already begun deportation proceedings.

ugh! what a shithead!

NIght_Stalker! Have you been moonlighting? LOL!

Dominatrix — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:22:00 +0100

Weed makes you smart!

Dominatrix — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 11:45:00 +0100

Strictly adults only again I'm afraid! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93jQI_6G5Cw&feature=related