Columbo blog on Absolute Radio

Egg & Chips

Columbo — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:07:00 +0000

Hiya fellas, how ya doin?

It's been a while since my last blog, but that's because of all the work I've had done on my house lately... including the kitchen fitting from hell! (The less said about that the better, but one incident involved a gas pipe being drilled through!

Tell me why I don't like Mondays! Ahh... the Boomtown Rats... God have mercy on their souls for writing a song that makes me feel depressed everytime I hear it! Anyone who hates Mondays will know where I'm coming from! Bob Geldof, you're an Irish git for writing the most depressing pop song in history! (hope I'm allowed to say that, not wanting to sound racist... just friendly banter as they say... love him to bits really!) Anyway, I certainly don't like Mondays (I wanna shoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oot the whole day down), so that's why comfort food is always a sure fire way of cheering me (did I mention beer also?) So, Egg, Chips and Peas were just what the doctor ordered for me tonight, after getting home from work. What is it about Egg and Chips? It's so marvellous... even if I went to the most posh"est" restaurant in the country, they could never surpass Egg and Chips!

Interesting fact... did you know, before The Beatles became famous... Paul used to cook John, George and Pete fried eggs at his house? If Eggses are good enough for Macca, they're good enough for me!

Anyway, feeling better now that I've relaxed after a busy day at work! Hope you have a nice week and see you soon (hopefully)!

Cloudbusting

Columbo — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 22:18:00 +0100

It's been one of those nights where I just end up browsing the Web in search of something interesting. I like these sort of occasions because they are like a mistery tour, i.e. you never know where they will lead.

Anyway, I ended up reading about this scientist named Wilhelm Reich. He's a guy I've come across before. He did research into something called Orgone radiation. He constructed "Orgone accumulators", which allegedly could store this radiation. Reich conducted experiments which apparently used Orgone radiation in order to combat cancer in sufferers; as well further experimentation where the radiation allegedly could stimulate human sexual functions. I won't go into that here, but suffice to say if you "Google" Wilhelm Reich you'll find loads of information on him and his experiments.

One of his experiments that I found particularly interesting entailed the construction of a device known as the "Cloudbuster". Essentially a contraption consisting of a series of tubes, Reich claimed that by pointing it at clouds he could disperse them, as well as use it to make clouds form. Again, you can read about all of this on the Web.

This reminded of one of Kate Bush's songs, which is based on Wilhelm Reich's Cloudbuster invention. It's a great song and I thought I'd share it with you this evening. Hope you enjoy it!

Cloudbusting

A Horse with no Name

Columbo — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 21:07:00 +0100

I've been getting into this song a lot lately:-

America - A Horse with no Name

I just close my eyes and get into those beautiful minor and minor seventh chords. They're so atmospheric!

Have a listen yourselves and I'm sure you'll love it! But CLOSE YOUR EYES! Just listen!

Bye for now!

The Cheese of Death...

Columbo — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 19:36:00 +0100

Don't get me wrong... I've nothing against mice, but when they start eating me out of house and home, then drastic action is called for!

It first happened a couple of years ago... Mrs. Columbo and I came back from a short break. I went into the pantry and noticed that something had eaten away at a potato in the vegetable basket. Next I noticed a corner of a packet of rice had been nibbled and several packets of crisps also. Next, I noticed mouse droppings on the floor and shelves, leading up to the air vent near the ceiling of the pantry. The grilles of the plaster air vent had been nibbled away, leaving enough room for a mouse to get through! The little rascal!

The next morning, as I was washing some dishes, the little rascal suddenly walked in front of the dining room door, saw me, then shot behind the gas fire, so I got a plastic container and was able to lay a trap so I could catch it. Not wanting to be cruel, I decided to drive to a remote location and set the mouse free in some countryside. I thought nothing more about it.

A few weeks later I start to hear scratching noises and figured we have another mouse. This time I wasn't so forgiving and had to set a trap, which sure enough caught the mouse! Since then we've had 5 or 6 of the little buggers! I always use a piece of cheese on the traps and it seems to work every time... well, except for once, when the little bliter got away!

I can just imagine this little "escapee" getting back to his friends and spreading the warning of the "Cheese of Death"... "Beware the Cheese of Death! Don't be lured into a false sense of security! One nibble and you're done for!"

As I say, they're lil buggers!

I saw a mouse! Where?

I can see clearly now...

Columbo — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 23:47:00 +0100

Wow! I've got radiation burns!

Fitted a new light fitting in the kitchen! It's got a 150W halogen lamp in it and boy, is it bright! Don't get me wrong... I love it! If there's one room in the house that should be well lit, it's the kitchen... I just can't do with trying too cook in dim light.

Now when I turn on the light it's so bright I have to wear shades and rub sun-tan lotion all over my body!

Expecting men in UV suits and geiger counters to burst through my door any minute to take me for decontamination treatment!

If you see a strange glow in the night sky... it's probably me.

I can see clearly now.

See you soon!

Daylight Come...

Columbo — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 10:54:00 +0100

...and me don't feel like doing the shopping, Man!

Mrs. Columbo has gone for a day out in Chester with her friend today (Mrs. Columbo 2).

As for me, well "Muggins" has got to do the weekly grocery run. To be honest, I don't feel like doing it, but someone has to... especially as there's hardly a thing to eat in the house... not unless I cook Baked Beans on Shredded Wheat! Still, perhaps the fresh air will do me good?

Been so busy of late... doing DIY and stuff and last Sunday we went to Belvoir (pronounced "Beaver") Castle to watch an English Civil War re-enactment. It was a great day out and the weather was nice. It was quite a thrill seeing around 2,000 re-enactors, comprising of foot soldiers, cavalry and artillery doing their stuff on the battlefield. The cannon sure are loud and the shock waves off 'em are tremendous! They use fully working replica firearms and cannon, by the way and genuine gunpowder... the only things missing are cannon and musket balls.

It was great to get a break from the DIY-ing. Need a new kitchen too... expensive year! Still, it's only money and you can't take it with you when you go, so you might as well spend it... on the weekly grocery run! As I say, "Daylight come..."

Take care!

Everything I do...

Columbo — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 22:08:00 +0100

Had a great evening... decided to set up my archery target in my next-door-neighbour-but-one Keith's organic garden. I have an old longbow made out of Yew. First time I've shot it in years! It was great fun. Before long Mrs. Columbo and Keith were having a go too and we had a merry time, just like the Merry Men of Sherwood and their leader Robin Hood. Things got even merrier when Keith went back to his house and returned with a bottle of cider for us all to share!

Anyway, we started with 11 arrows, but when we finished had only 9. The other two aren't lost... they're just deep inside some stinging nettles... neither of us were willing to retrieve them... despite being somewhat merry from the cider. We'll just wait until autumn, when everything's died down... just hope we have enough arrows to last until then!

Anyway, did you know that Robin Hood had a twin brother? But instead of stealing from the rich to give to the poor, he just stole from everyone and kept it for himself... his name was Robin B****rd!

Have fun folks and cya soon!

The first cut is the deepest!

Columbo — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:02:00 +0100

Ouch! That's all I can say!

At work today I accidentally slid the middle digit of my left hand along the edge of a sheet of paper and was bestowed with that great honour of a paper cut! It's one of those cuts that doesn't seem to knit together, but rather keeps opening and closing (I bet that's going through you just thinking about it)!

Anyway, it hurt like sweet Fanny Adams and later at home I made a Chili and got Chili Powder into it! Yeoww! I almost went through the roof!

It's funny how these sort of things make you think of certain songs... In this case, "The First Cut is the Deepest!" Hehe... I had to appreciate the humour, even though I say so myself!

Anyway, get a good look at Sheryl Crow in those kinky boots... she looks strangely like Jane Fonda when she was in Barbarella... better not start thinking about that... I'm a married man! Don't want my blood pressure to go haywire!

Take care and see you soon!

Monkey Magic?

Columbo — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 22:24:00 +0100

What a funny day Mrs. Columbo and I had today! We decided to go to a place called "Monkey Forest", near to a place called Trentham Gardens.

After paying our entrance fees, we had a spot of light lunch (to make up for not eating breakfast), then headed to where the monkeys were. The monkeys are in an 60 acre reservation and free to roam within it. The fence stops them getting out and other things from getting in.

We were walking through the forest, when we came to a group of people who were laughing their heads off... at a male monkey playing with his "you know what", in full display to the onlookers! A little boy who noticed the display, said, "I've got one of those too Mummy, but I don't play with it."

It cracked us all up... we were in hysterics!

That's monkey magic for ya!

Cya later folks!

Monkees Petition

Columbo — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 10:33:00 +0100

Don't know if you guys have signed the petition to get The Monkees into The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, but if not, here's your chance to sign:-

Monkees Petition

Cheer up sleepy Jean...

Columbo — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:06:00 +0100

Hiya fellas, how ya doin?

I won't beat about the bush... today as been an enjoyable, although fairly busy day. I had some lieu time owing me and decided to take the day off work so that I could take delivery of some new doors for the "downstairs".

I really enjoy days off... it means I can cook myself a proper breakfast, instead of having the usual muesli. Is it me, or does muesli look like the sweepings out of a rabbit hutch? Pro'ly tastes no better either! Anyway, after a lie-in of an extra hour, I got up and had a breakfast of Bacon and Eggs, with toast and marmalade to finish off... delicious... it sure tastes great, even though it ain't doing my arteries any good, but hey, what the heck... you only live once!

If you're like me you'll pro'ly hate having to wait at home for something to be delivered, or for someone to arrive. Makes me feel on edge all day! You daren't go to the toilet, or do anything just in case you don't hear the delivery arrive... it really is most unsavoury! But anyway, the new doors turned up just around lunchtime and I was able to relax a bit more afterwards.

Mrs. Columbo was at work today, but she left me orders to clean the house... so I did, after the doors had been delivered. I dusted and hoovered upstairs and down, washed the dishes and took out the trash. It was quite tiring all in all, but it was worth it... when you've been married for as long as I have, you get to accept that it's easier just to do as the wife says... honest!

Mrs. Columbo #2 had her birthday today too... she's not really married to me, after all, polygamy is illegal... but she's known affectionately as "Wife #2" because she's worked with Mrs. Columbo for many years and has become a good friend.

Well, when Mrs. Columbo finally arrived home from work, I was in the "good books" because I'd done the house-work, so as a reward I was allowed to go to the pub with my next-door-neighbour-but-one Keith for a couple of Pints... have to keep the quaffing muscles exercised after all!

Finally back home now and feeling a bit sleepy.. it's been a busy day! At least I've got a long weekend... which can never be a bad thing, and which always cheers up me up (sleepy Jean)!

Cya around fellas and take care!

Living is easy with eyes closed...

Columbo — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:49:00 +0100

In The Beatles' song, "Strawberry Fields Forever", there's a line that I've always found a little paradoxical, "Living is easy with eyes closed; misunderstanding all you see." For a start, if one's eyes are closed, how is one able to see anything in the first place, let alone misunderstand it?

Maybe what John Lennon was saying when he wrote this line was that some people go through life with misconceptions and fail to grasp the reality behind things? A bit like blinkered horses, who can only see straight ahead and never from side to side. Or perhaps it could be interpreted as meaning that maybe sometimes we're all ignorant of the truth? No doubt others will have different interpretations of the line also.

Over the last week I've had I suppose what one might call a "health scare". I shan't go into the "squeamish" details (after all, I wouldn't want to put anyone off their food), but suffice to say that I was concerned that something I "found" might have been the dread big "C". After visiting my doctor, it turned out to be nothing serious and something quite common and not life threatening at all.

On reflection, the line from The Beatles' song became more meaningful. There was I, misunderstanding something I thought I saw and in the end it was nothing. So, here's to keeping our eyes open at all times!

See you soon and take care.

"Sand" and Deliver!

Columbo — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 09:25:00 +0100

...straight into my usual weekend routine this morning... got up just before 7am, went downstairs, made coffee and watched Columbo on UKTV Gold... it's terrific! Afterwards, I go upstairs to the computer room and decide to write my blog.

Boy, what a week it's been... had so much planned, but that rain! So much of that wet stuff came down that at one point I was seriously thinking of building an ark! At the beginning of the week I had a mini-skip delivered, to get rid of a load of garden rubbish and old junk out of the shed... everything went in it... an old door, old bricks, old pieces of timber, hose-pipes... you name it... it went into the skip! I even found half a ton of sand at the bottom of the garden... took me ages to shift it... I kept filling a couple of bags, using the wheelbarrow to transport them to the skip on my drive... it's surprising how heavy it is. All the time I'm humming a tune to myself, "Sand and deliver" (excuse the pun). I'm always doing that... making up alternative words to songs... I guess I should have been a poet!

Next into the skip went the old tins of paint... must have been 30 or 40 different tins... really surprised me. Who makes up those names for paint colours? I mean, what on earth are "Indian Dust", or "Amazon" or "Dewberry Frost"?

Well, the skip was soon full to the brim and I'm standing looking at it, amazed at how much clutter there is in it! I can finally get into the shed again! The skip was so full that Mrs. Columbo even took a picture of it. Perhaps I ought to frame it and place it on the wall as a constant reminder about how never to let junk to accumulate? Sometimes it's good to get rid of the trash in our lives!

Have a great day folks, see you soon!

Summer Holiday

Columbo — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 10:17:00 +0100

Well, this week I'm on vacation... not that I'm going away anywhere on a summer holiday. No, nothing so grand I'm afraid. Instead I'll be doing some house repairs... new shed door, clearing out the shed, gate painting and one or two other things.

Mrs. Columbo, she's a terrific lady, says she wants to go for a day trip somewhere during the week, but I'm not sure where. We could go to the Sea-side I suppose, but the nearest place is the Welsh north coast... so maybe Rhyl or Llandudno or somewhere... not the most interesting of seaside resorts... full of trinket shops and amusement arcades. I have to keep Mrs. Columbo away from the cuddly-toy games... we already have a house full of cuddly-toys that were won on those machines! I suppose we could always sit on the beach and play "I spy with my little eye... something beginning with 'S' ". It always amazes me that whenever you go to the Sea-side, even though you don't actually go onto the beach, when you get home your shoes are always full of sand!

Anyway, no doubt we'll think of something. There's always the pub!

Bye for now.

Good Day Sunshine

Columbo — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 22:41:00 +0100

Well, it finally feels like Summer is here... the last couple of days have been quite glorious, weather wise. "Good Day Sunshine" I can hear you all saying. You can always tell when summer is here, because that's when I start wearing shorts (not a pretty sight, especially if you find hairy legs ugly)! It's nice to see kids playing in the street too... nowadays they spend too much time cooked up in the house playing computer games.

Mrs. Columbo and Mrs. Columbo 2 went "spinning" (riding exercise bikes at the gym) this evening. They go every Wednesday after work. This one's for you girls! As for me... well I relax at home with a bowl of Chili and a glass of red wine, watch a little TV and start to "nod-off". It's quite scarey sometimes... one minute you're awake, the next you're in the Land of Nod. Then you wake up with a start and half-an-hour's gone by. For all you know you might have died without realising it!

Just hoping the good weather lasts into next week, cos I'm off work.

Well, enjoy the sunshine and I'll see you soon!