123chef123 blog on Absolute Radio

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123chef123 — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 23:14:00 +0100

Goodbye all.

the worlds most stupid Q?

123chef123 — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 00:47:00 +0100

.......Just kissed a girl and I liked it, hope my boyfriend don't mind it?.......

Now let me think.......(no I'd hate it...Yeah right)

Sorry if this has ready been blogged, but I wouldn't know, a bit of trouble with the site so I'm "running blind", as it were.

Cracking song and a good tune to boot.

Breakie in the morning so off for some shut eye.

Sweet dreams

A trio of crackers to brighten up this dull Monday

123chef123 — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:05:00 +0100

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

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A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat. He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldn't because she didn't have any clothes on. He replies, "Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help".

She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?" The clerk replies, "I'm sorry, I think he's too far in."

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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

...It's a god awful small affair......

123chef123 — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:00:00 +0100

Another export from the BBC..

Life on Mars is to see the life of day in the States, they are doing their own version. The Spanish are also producing their own version however they have had to move the year to 1974, as Spain was still a dictatorship under Franco.

This is bollocks

123chef123 — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 22:21:00 +0100

I like you all have a button on my profile page that says BLOG!!!!!!, I just wish I could use it to reply or find out what is being said, does any body still have the details of the new boss that was sent by Email, if so can you post it as I deleted mine (then I could voice my displeasure about the shower of shit that purports to be the Virgin web site).

It is possible that they do not have the resources to cover the "V" festival live feeds and highlights and keep the web site going (apologies if somebody has already covered this but I am unable to tell as the site is so infernally slow and I am unable to access all of the blogs)

Derek I couldn't agree more with your analogy, I tried to reply to your blog but it would not let me.

Lets hope that this is not an indication of things to come and just a glitch (albeit a big one).

Rant over

Not sure how to title this

123chef123 — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 21:55:00 +0100

NEW YORK (AFP) - About 30 men lifted a schoolbus to save a pregnant woman struck by the bus, enabling the baby to be born before the woman died of her injuries, the New York Post said Friday

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg paid tribute to the victim, Donnette Sanz, 33, a traffic cop who was off duty when she was hit Thursday by the bus in the city's Bronx section.

"It is a terrible poignancy that Donnette's son's birthday will now coincide with the day his mother died. She gave her life in service to our city," the mayor said.

"A superhuman effort by 30 strangers who lifted the vehicle off her body miraculously saved her baby before she died," the New York Post said.

"We did not really communicate, we all just started lifting. We lifted it up and someone pulled her out," Madalina Diaz, 42, told the paper.

The woman, six months pregnant, was rushed to the hospital, where the baby was born by caesarian section a few minutes before she died.

One final thought

123chef123 — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 01:03:00 +0100

Does the VR fantasy footie carry a £20 or £30k top prize? Radio says 20, web site 30?

Not that I have a hope in hell, but hey you have to be in it to win it.

Also does anybody have a league that I could join?

Regards

...and finally

123chef123 — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:59:00 +0100

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

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Good night all, time for some shut eye.

Look after you and yours

Sweet dreams

I wonder if there is a tour coming up?

123chef123 — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:53:00 +0100

Oasis star Noel slams Amy Winehouse

(Friday August 15, 2008 03:48 PM)

Noel Gallagher has hit out at uber-producer Mark Ronson and troubled singer Amy Winehouse.

The Oasis star, 41, recently caused a stir by saying rapper Jay-Z should not be headlining Glastonbury.

And he compared Brit award-winner Winehouse, 24, to a "destitute horse".

Of Ronson, 32, who remixed The Zutons' track Valerie for Winehouse and the Kaiser Chiefs' tune Oh My God for Lily Allen, he said: "He wants to write his own tunes instead of ruining everyone else's.

"Mark Ronson needs to learn three chords on the guitar and write a tune."

Gallagher described Scouting For Girls as "Scouting For Idiots" and had a go at the Kaiser Chiefs, saying: "The Monkees haven't split up, they're just going under the name of the Kaiser Chiefs."

He told the Chris Moyles' breakfast show: "I did drugs for 18 years and I never got that bad as to say, 'You know what? I think the Kaiser Chiefs are brilliant'."

Meanwhile, Oasis announced dates for their UK tour, beginning in October.

A bit controversy never hurts, must need the ticket sales.

You could not make this up

123chef123 — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:39:00 +0100

EDINBURGH (AFP) - A penguin called Nils waddled into the history books Friday when he was knighted by a visiting royal Norwegian regiment in Scotland.

The king penguin -- full name Nils Olav -- became the first black-and-white pint-sized Norwegian Sir with wings after inspecting the Norwegian King's Guard, which is visiting Edinburgh for the annual Military Tattoo.

"We have a long-standing history with the Norwegian King's Guard and it is something we are extremely proud of," said David Windmill, head of the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland, the owners of Edinburgh Zoo where Nils lives.

The bird first became an honorary member of the Norwegian regiment in the 1970s, when a lieutenant called Nils Egelien visited the Scottish Zoo. Norway's head of state was then King Olav V.

The Norwegian guardsmen visit Nils every few years when they come for the Scottish military jamboree, and over the years he has risen through the ranks, finally becoming the regiment's Colonel-in-Chief. The original Nils died about 20 years ago, and the name has been transferred to one of his penguin peers.

On Friday he was granted the highest honour yet, when a guardsman dubbed a sword on each side of his head --- where his shoulders should be -- to confirm his regimental knighthood.

"Nils always recognises the Norwegian Guardsmen when they come to visit him," said Darren McGarry of Edinburgh Zoo. "He loves the attention he receives at the ceremony and takes his time inspecting the troops."

Nils himself was on his best behaviour throughout the ceremony -- apart from shortly before the sword ceremony, when -- perhaps suffering a bout of pre-knighthood nerves -- he deposited a discrete white puddle on the ground.

Drawing a polite veil over that, McGarry said afterwards: "It went extremely well and we are delighted that the Norwegian Guard honoured Nils Olav with a knighthood.

"We all enjoyed the occasion and Nils was a perfect penguin throughout."

Norwegian King's guardsman Captain Rune Wiik added: "We are extremely proud of Nils Olav and pleased that an enduring part of the Royal Guard is resident in Scotland helping to further strengthen ties between our two countries."

It's a funny old world.

Oops

123chef123 — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 00:26:00 +0100

OSLO (AFP) - A Spanish couple's language difficulties cost them several thousand euros after they mispronounced their destination giving instructions to a Norwegian taxi driver.

The couple, who were touring Norway's fjords, wanted to travel to Olden on the country's west coast.

Instead their taxi took them to Halden, hundreds of kilometres (miles) away, a trip that cost them 3,870 euros (5,773 dollars).

The pair in their 50s were on a cruise of the fjords when they had to be briefly hospitalised while on a stopover in Stavanger, tabloid Verdens Gang (VG) reported on Thursday.

Once out of hospital the two decided to rejoin the ship in Olden. But their taxi driver misunderstood and took them to Halden, 560 kilometres (348 miles) east of Stavanger.

Oblivious to the mistake, the happy holidaymakers paid the 15,000 kroner taxi bill (1,875 euros, 2,793 dollars) and added a generous 1,000 kroner tip to boot.

But after spending the night in a hotel, they discovered there was no cruiseship in the Halden port.

A quick call to an interpreter and the confusion was discovered, according to VG.

The couple jumped back in a taxi, this time headed for Olden, 610 kilometres away -- and paying another 15,300 kroner.

The couple spent more than 31,000 kroner on their misadventure, or the price of a 10-day cruise in the fjords for two people in a luxury.

Celebrity

123chef123 — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:57:00 +0100

Just heard the new offering from Queen and Paul Rodgers.

Good track, more bad Company that Queen, good non the less.

Just one more

123chef123 — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:58:00 +0100

A classic Dave Allen sketch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umwITgqxfRg&feature=related

Good night all

Final throw of the dice

123chef123 — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:55:00 +0100

Back to work tomorrow, boss on hols for a week, working 2 weeks straight, therefore I shall leave you with 4 jokes, as my postings will not be as frequent (hooray I hear you shout):

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

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On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

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A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

Thats all folks

Good night (and in the words of Dave Allen), may your God go with you.

You might like this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBXSn7R091Y&NR=1

Sweet dreams

Did Top Gear get it right

123chef123 — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 18:18:00 +0100

The Best driving Songs

This is the list of the top10 driving songs as nominated by the viewers of Top Gear.

RankBandSong10Fleetwood Mac"The Chain"9AC/DC"Highway to Hell"8Led Zeppelin"Immigrant Song"7Kenny Loggins"Danger Zone"6Motörhead"Ace of Spades"5Deep Purple"Highway Star"4Steppenwolf"Born to Be Wild"3Meat Loaf"Bat Out of Hell"2Golden Earring"Radar Love"1Queen"Don't Stop Me Now"

Would your top 10 be any different?

Mine would be:

1 Dont fear the Reaper BOC

2 More than a feeling BOSTON

3 She sells sanctuary THE CULT

4 For those about to Rock AC/DC

5 Highway Star DEEP PURPLE

6 The Chain FLEETWOOD MAC

7 Radar Love GOLDEN EARRING

8 Jessica THE ALTMAN BRO'S

9 Symphony for the Devil ROLLING STONES

10 Breaking the Law JUDAS PRIEST

Guess I am showing my age.